


The Karate Dad and the Science Dad

by heyjupiter



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Crossover, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Minor Miguel Díaz/Samantha LaRusso, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29707173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: Married couple Bruce Banner and Tony Stark have finally been approved as foster-to-adopt parents and recently brought home their first placement, Peter Parker. They've attended parenting classes, read a stack of books, and are eager to support the traumatized teen in any way they can. So when Peter wants to sign up for karate with his new friend Miguel, Bruce and Tony agree, despite having some concerns about the atmosphere at the Cobra Kai dojo. Will karate bring the family together, or will Peter need to find a new extracurricular activity?
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark
Comments: 19
Kudos: 27
Collections: Marvel Trumps Hate 2020





	1. Welcome to the Jungle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [volunteerfd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/volunteerfd/gifts).



> I wrote this for volunteerfd for Marvel Trumps Hate 2020 and I was delighted to have the excuse to explore this very niche crossover! 
> 
> I will say that this crossover is primarily Marvel-based--if you're a MCU fan who's never watched Cobra Kai, you could probably follow this story just fine if you're willing to accept some weird karate-obsessed OCs. (My beta reader xxx-cat-xxx hadn't seen Cobra Kai and her feedback helped me clarify things that might have been confusing to others who haven't seen it.) If you're a Cobra Kai fan who's not into Marvel, on the other hand, I don't think this story has too much to offer you. Also, if you have watched Cobra Kai you’ll notice I’ve tweaked the timeline of that show a bit to make this story flow better; the biggest difference is that here Daniel opens Miyagi-Do earlier, before Miguel & Robby’s first All-Valley Tournament instead of in response to it. 
> 
> A note on the major character death--it's May Parker, she dies before the events of this story. Her death isn't described in detail but Peter's grief is a part of the story. (Sorry for this unfeminist act of fridging so that I can explore the toxic masculinity of Cobra Kai!) No one dies during the events of this story. Overall I would describe this story as being lighter in tone but with some traumatic events at its core. There are also non-graphic references to Bruce's canon-similar abusive childhood. 
> 
> This work is completed and I'll post a chapter a day until it's all up.
> 
> Finally, thanks again to xxx-cat-xxx for beta reading, to volunteerfd for also beta reading her own gift, and to the MTH organizers for putting on this wonderful event!

Tony walked into the big, airy kitchen of their Malibu home and sang out, "Honey, I'm home!" 

Bruce, who was sitting at the kitchen island with a stack of papers to grade, looked up with a familiar amused crinkle around his eyes. They'd been married for almost ten years and Tony had yet to tire of testing his husband's limits for cheesy jokes. At least now they properly qualified as dad jokes. (Well, technically foster dad jokes, until all the paperwork was finalized.) "Hey, Tony. How was work?"

Tony slid onto a stool next to Bruce and leaned in for a kiss. "Not as exciting as your day! How are Peter's friends? Where are they? What's for dinner?"

Bruce held up fingers as he counted off his answers. "They seemed very nice, they are in Peter's room, pizza."

"'Very nice'? Use your words, be more specific. Also, wait, didn't Peter say one of them was gluten free?"

Bruce gestured at a bowl on the counter. "It's gluten free pizza, I made the dough from scratch."

"Of course you did, I shouldn't have doubted you. But about his friends, though?"

"Really I just chatted with them a little bit on the way here from school. I figured we'd talk to them more at dinner."

"Right. Okay. Well...maybe I'll just go drop in on them."

Bruce furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, just to say hi." Bruce was still looking at him with concern and Tony said, "What? You already met them."

"I know, just...try to be normal?"

"Normal? Babe, I'm so much better than normal."

Bruce's expression softened. "I know. Of course. I guess what I meant was, you know, this is the first time Peter has had friends over--"

"--I _know_ , that's why I want to meet them!"

"--and you can be a little...intimidating."

"Me?" Tony opened his mouth to point out that Bruce was scarier when he was mad, but he shut his mouth. Tony had been eager to start a family with Bruce, but Bruce had needed more convincing. It wasn't that Bruce didn't like kids--he loved them, and was frankly better with them than Tony was--but he'd been so afraid of acting like his father. But after years of therapy--couples counseling and solo sessions--and a mountain of paperwork and red tape, they'd finally gotten approved by the state of California as foster parents, and they'd brought home Peter a little over a month ago, just before the start of the school year, with the intent of formally adopting him as soon as possible. Peter was fifteen, which was a little older than Tony had originally hoped for, but their caseworker had thought that a brilliant kid like Peter could really benefit from a couple of geniuses (on paper) as foster-to-adoptive parents; once they met him, Tony and Bruce couldn't disagree.

Tony took a deep breath. "Okay, I will be...normal. I'll ask them about their favorite...sports teams?"

Bruce laughed. "Based on my brief interactions with them, I don't think you have to be _that_ normal."

"Oh, thank god." Tony sighed with relief and gave Bruce another kiss before standing. "What are their names again? Michelangelo and Donatello?"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Miguel and Demetri."

"Right. Do you think they're hungry? I'll bring them a snack."

"They had a snack when we got home. Although since they're teenage boys that doesn't necessarily mean they're _not_ hungry, but dinner should be ready in about an hour."

"Okay...I'll just bring them some drinks. Normal." He grabbed three cans of Spindrift from the fridge and went upstairs to Peter's room. He hovered in the doorway for a moment, smiling at the sight of Peter and two other boys working on a big Lego set. Bruce and Tony had carefully prepared one of the house's many guest rooms before Peter's recent arrival, hoping to make it comfortable for their foster son. But they'd avoided putting up posters or decorations, waiting for Peter's input. Peter turned out to be a big fan of sci-fi movies and Legos, and the room now reflected that. It wasn't a guest room anymore; it was Peter's room.

Peter was smart enough to have skipped a few grades, despite having missed some school last year after the sudden death of the single aunt who'd raised him. Apparently his former best friend had moved away recently, and Tony had worried that between his age and his trauma, he'd have trouble making new friends. But it sounded like Peter had found a couple of nice nerds who shared his interests.

After a few minutes of eavesdropping, he cleared his throat, and all three boys looked up at him. "Hey, guys, how's it going? Anybody thirsty?"

Peter said, "Oh, uh, thanks, Mr. Stark."

Tony sighed. "Peter, you know you can just call me Tony. And so can you, uh…"

"Hi, Mr. Stark, I'm Miguel."

"Miguel! Nice to meet you. Want a Spindrift?"

"Sure, thanks." 

Tony cast his eyes over to Peter's other friend, who was still staring. "How about you? You must be Demetri?"

Demetri nodded. "Sorry, I, uh...Peter didn't tell us that his dad was _Tony Stark_ , I'm just…I mean...wow!"

"Foster dad," Peter mumbled.

Tony nodded. "We, uh...Peter didn't want a lot of attention."

"Seriously? Peter, if people knew who your, uh, foster dad was, you would be _so_ much cooler."

"Hey, I happen to think Peter is very cool!" Tony said.

Demetri rolled his eyes. "Okay, no, sure, but I mean, he could sit with the _popular_ kids at lunch. The popular _girls_."

Tony frowned. "Peter, are you being bullied at school?"

" _No_ ," Peter said. He elbowed Demetri. "No, it's fine at school." Demetri snorted. 

"Do you want me to talk to the principal?" Tony asked.

" _No_ , Mr. Stark," Peter said. 

Tony took a deep breath and remembered Bruce's warning. "Okay, okay, we'll talk about it later. You want a Spindrift, though? Orange mango, your favorite, right?"

"Oh, um, yeah, thanks." Peter took the drink.

"Demetri?" Tony asked, offering the third one.

"Do you have any other flavors?"

Tony smiled. Clearly he couldn't be _that_ intimidating. "Oh, I think so. What are you looking for?"

"Blackberry, raspberry lime, anything in the berry family?"

"Sure thing. I'll be right back. Anybody else want anything from the kitchen? I think dinner will be ready around 6:30."

"No thanks, Mr. Stark," the other boys chorused.

Tony took the offending Spindrift back to the kitchen and delivered a suitable replacement to Demetri. He took the opportunity to eavesdrop for another few minutes in the hallway. Peter was usually so quiet at home; it was nice to hear him joking with his friends, even if it made Tony feel a little stab of jealousy.

Back in the kitchen, Bruce had started assembling the pizzas. "Ooh, is that real pepperoni?" He popped one into his mouth and grinned at the taste of not-soy.

"I know it's your favorite, and I figure the boys will probably like it too. And it'll leave more pesto artichoke for me."

"Ah, of course, you're a tactician."

Bruce slid the pizzas into the oven and started making a salad. Tony sat at the island, double-checked to make sure they were alone, and asked, "Hey, uh, you don't think Peter's getting bullied at school, do you?"

"Hmm. Did he say something?"

"Not exactly, but his friends made some little comments that made me wonder. I mean...we'd know, right? Should we meet with his teachers? Should we put him in a private school?"

Bruce laughed. "Let's take it one step at a time."

"Why are you laughing? This is serious."

Bruce sighed. "You're right, it is. But Peter's already had so many huge changes in his life, recently, I don't know that the best thing would be to have him change schools unless it's really critical. I think the most important thing we can do is just wait and make sure he knows we'll listen to him."

"But if something's happening _now_ , why should we wait?"

"Tony, don't you remember how exhausting it was to start a new school? Having to learn all the new teachers, new classmates, new schedule…" Bruce trailed off. "I guess you'd probably handle that kind of thing better than most people."

"Oh. So you understand him better than I do?" 

"Tony, that's not what I'm saying!" Bruce took a deep breath. "Let's talk about this later, okay?"

"Okay. Yeah. I'm sure you're right."

Bruce came over and kissed him. "I know you want what's best for Peter, and I love you so much."

"Mm. Same." Tony kissed him again, and again, and then a timer went off. Bruce pulled apart and went to check the oven. Tony turned around and saw three boys standing in the doorway of the kitchen, studiously averting eye contact. He smiled brightly and said, "Oh, hey guys, right on time for dinner!"

Bruce spread the pizzas on the counter and turned around. He glanced between Tony and the boys suspiciously, but no one said anything. "Okay, uh, hope you're hungry! There's pepperoni, plain cheese, and a pesto artichoke. All gluten free, and the salad is nut-free. Help yourselves, and let me know if you need anything else, okay? Make yourselves at home."

The boys filled their plates, and they settled at the comfortable kitchen table. Tony happily reflected on how nice it was to have a comfortable family dinner like this, so different from the icy, formal affairs he'd grown up with--when he wasn't eating in the kitchen with the butler and the cook. In preparation for becoming parents, both he and Bruce had arranged to reduce their overloaded work schedules so they'd always be available for family dinners, something that Howard Stark wouldn't have dreamed of doing. (Howard probably also would have hated the idea of a woman at the helm of Stark Industries, but Tony couldn't imagine a more qualified CEO than Pepper Potts.)

Demetri immediately introduced himself as a member of the school's Computer Club and began peppering Tony with questions about various Stark inventions. Tony answered gamely, trying to be nice to Peter's friend, even if the kid was kind of annoying.

Then Peter spoke up and said, "You know, Dr. Banner's famous, too."

Everyone turned and looked at Bruce, who grimaced. "'Famous' is a pretty strong word," he said. "Tony's famous. I just have name recognition among a small handful of science geeks."

"You won a Nobel prize!" Peter said.

"You did?" Demetri asked.

Bruce sighed. "Yes, a few years ago my colleague Betty Ross and I were recognized for our research on gamma radiation."

"Where's your medal? Can we see it?" Demetri asked.

"Ah, I teach at UCLA, it's on display in my department. You know, something shiny to impress new students with," Bruce said in his typical self-deprecating fashion. He turned and asked, "What about you, Miguel? What do you like to do? Are you interested in Academic Decathlon? I think Peter was on the team last year." 

"Oh, um, maybe? But actually I started doing karate this year and that keeps me kinda busy," Miguel said. Demetri rolled his eyes.

"Oh, really? How do you like it?" Bruce asked politely.

"It's great," Miguel replied. "I can tell I'm getting stronger. And my sensei is a cool guy."

Bruce nodded. "So do you, uh, compete?"

"I'm still pretty new so I haven't yet. There's a big all-valley tournament every year but I don't know if I'll be ready for that. Right now it's mostly drills and things like that."

"Ah, sure. So it's not...very violent?" Bruce asked, and Tony reached under the table to squeeze Bruce's knee.

Demetri snorted. "It's not like he's a Street Fighter or something, he just puts on pajamas and punches a bean bag."

"There's a little more to it than that," Miguel grumbled. "But yeah, it's a lot of drills. It's for self-defense."

Bruce's eyebrows furrowed. "Do you need self-defense?"

Miguel glanced around the table; Tony noticed Peter's head shaking "no." Miguel said, "It's just good to know it, you know? Just to feel prepared. And it's good exercise."

Bruce nodded. "Sure. Well, great, I'm glad you, uh, have that."

Bruce had visibly run out of things to say about karate, so Demetri jumped in and said, "So when you won the Nobel prize, you went to Sweden, right?"

"Right."

"Were all the women there, like, incredible?"

Bruce tilted his head. "Well, yes, the year that I won was also the year Dr. Helen Cho won for medicine. It was such an honor to meet her! Her research is incredible."

Demetri looked confused, Peter looked embarrassed, and Miguel and Tony both snorted. "Bruce, I think he was asking if we saw any _hot babes_ in Sweden."

Bruce blinked. "What?"

Demetri shrugged. "I've never been to Sweden but I have a thing for blondes, what can I say?"

Peter spoke up and said, "He's just kidding, you don't have to talk to him about objectifying women."

"I--" Demetri started. "Yes. Definitely just kidding. Sorry, I wasn't expecting Tony Stark's husband to be a woke dad."

Tony burst into laughter. Bruce nodded gravely and said, "No one is more surprised about that than me."

After an awkward silence, Miguel said, "This pizza is really good."

Bruce smiled. "Oh, thank you, I'm glad you like it."

"Yeah, you don't even miss the gluten," Tony agreed.

"Totally. It's way better than frozen," Miguel continued. "I mean frozen is fine. All pizza is good pizza, right?"

"Strong disagree," Tony said.

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Tony grew up in New York and it made him a bit of a pizza snob."

"Is that why you make it yourself?" Demetri asked.

"It's because he likes weird toppings. Bruce is a woke dad and an artichoke dad," Tony said.

"Foster dad," Peter mumbled.

Bruce gave a tight smile. "Foster dad," he agreed. "Anyway, I like to cook, when I can. It's kind of relaxing."

"Yeah, my abuela says that too," Miguel said. "She makes this tres leches cake that's amazing."

"My parents mostly get take out," Demetri said "That's probably why they're so stressed."

Tony thought that having a kid like Demetri might contribute to that too, but he managed to keep his mouth shut and the conversation tentatively shifted to the topic of the kids' upcoming essays about _The Great Gatsby_ , about which none of them were enthused.

"It would be nice if they could assign something a little more relevant," Bruce said.

"Exactly," Demetri said. "But Ms. Martin doesn't think comic books count as literature."

They talked about their favorite comics for the rest of the meal. After dinner, Tony said, "Okay, just let me know when you guys are ready to go home, I'll run you back."

" _Cool_ ," Demetri said.

"But you can stay as long as you want," Tony added.

"I think we were going to try to finish the Death Star, if that's okay?" Peter asked.

"Of course it's okay," Bruce said. "How's it going?"

"It looked pretty good to me," Tony said. 

"We still have a few more sections," Peter said.

"Are you going to fix that flaw in the thermal exhaust port?" Tony asked, and they were rewarded with one of Peter's rare laughs. 

Bruce said, "Wait, whose side are you on?"

"I'm on the side of _innovation_!" Tony insisted. The kids laughed.

Peter rinsed his plate off and put it in the dishwasher. His friends followed suit and retreated back to Peter's room.

"They seem like nice kids," Tony said. "A little chatty, but nice."

Bruce laughed. "Demetri kind of reminds me of you, actually." Tony sputtered. "In a good way," Bruce added.

"Hmph," Tony pouted.

Bruce kissed him. "Obviously I like you more."

"Well. Okay then."

They settled on the living room couch. Bruce spread his grading out on the coffee table, Tony held his tablet in his hands and stretched his feet over Bruce's lap. Until Peter cleared his throat and asked for a ride home for his friends.

Tony hopped up and led them to the garage, where he picked out a sleek black Audi. One of the biggest adjustments of bringing Peter home was that Tony's 2-door sports cars had become even less practical than they were before, but he still had some tolerable 4-door rides. The kids seemed impressed, anyway.

Tony strategically dropped off Demetri first, although the kid managed to extract from Tony a promise to consider visiting a meeting of the school Computer Club before Tony was rid of him. After Demetri left, Tony listened quietly as Miguel extolled the virtues of karate to Peter. He was a little surprised when Miguel's address turned out to be a fairly shitty apartment building. He decided to tamp down any worry--after all, if Miguel's family could afford karate lessons they couldn't be _that_ hard off. 

Once he and Peter were alone in the car, Tony said, "So, did you guys have fun?"

"Yeah," Peter mumbled.

"Bruce and I didn't embarrass you too much, did we?"

Peter shook his head.

"Okay, good, we were worried. Well, Bruce was worried. _I_ didn't think it would be a problem."

Peter nodded and stared out the window.

"Is...something on your mind?" Tony asked.

Peter sighed. "It's just...um...like, Miguel and Demetri kept talking about how nice your house is and how lucky I am, and all that, and, like, it _is_ a really nice house, it's definitely way nicer than the apartment where May and I used to live...but it's like, I'm only here because May died, so...so that's actually not that lucky? You know? I...no offense."

"Oh, Peter. That makes sense." Tony turned down the music. He was actually glad Peter had said something instead of keeping it bottled up. "Bruce and I are both so happy to have the chance to have you with us, but of course we know we can't replace your parents or your aunt."

"Yeah."

"I--you know, it's probably obvious that I don't really know what I'm doing," Tony said honestly. "My own parents weren't very--and anyway this whole situation, I get that it's weird for you. And it's weird for us too. I mean...it was our dream to have a kid, and our dream only got to come true because of your nightmare. That's fucked up." He sighed. "I wish Bruce were here, he'd say something better than that. But you know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Peter said. 

"Just, I guess...let us know if there's anything at all we can do to make this easier for you," Tony said. "But it's okay that it's hard. You're a...you're a really great kid, Peter. You can get through this."

Peter swallowed audibly and nodded. Then he reached out to turn up the radio, effectively ending the conversation. 

By the time they got home, it was nearly 11 PM, which was Peter's established weeknight bedtime. (Tony felt a little hypocritical enforcing a bedtime on anyone, given his own proclivities, but Bruce and all the parenting books agreed that setting boundaries was good for kids.) It was a Friday, so Peter was allowed to stay up later, but he said, "I'm going to bed. Thanks for taking my friends home, and, um, everything," and fled upstairs before Tony could respond.

Tony poured himself a drink and recounted the conversation to Bruce in the living room. 

"Oh, poor Peter," Bruce said. 

"I wish I knew the right thing to say to him."

"I think you did just fine. I don't think there is a right thing, Tony. He just needs time. It's been less than a month." 

Tony made a face and said, "I'm just always so impatient. I don't want to screw this up."

Bruce said, "Remember what I was like in college?"

"Brilliant, adorable, and charming? Of course."

Bruce snorted. "Okay, but also, I mean, I was _so_ anxious and withdrawn. It was a few years after my mom died but I was still really stuck. And you were one of the only people who bothered to make an effort to get through to me."

"Well, that was everyone else's loss. And my motivations for wanting to get to know you were not the same as for wanting to get through to Peter."

"God, obviously not, Tony, that's not what I meant. I just meant that I know you can do this, that you can be there for Peter, because that's what you did for me."

"See? It's like I told Peter. You always know the right thing to say."

Bruce smiled. "I'm not sure that's true, but thank you. But Tony, what I've always admired about you is that you're not afraid to speak even if you're not sure what to say."

Tony squinted. "That doesn't sound exactly like a compliment."

"It is, though. Peter's going to be used to people talking around his feelings, walking around on eggshells. But he'll appreciate you just...just saying what you feel. Sometimes I get too stuck in my head to say things. I worry too much about saying the right thing and then I don't say anything at all."

"Hmm. Well, I guess we make a good team, then."

Bruce smiled. "The best."

Tony went to bed that night feeling optimistic. He tried to hold on to that feeling as the days went on. Peter was still fairly withdrawn, but he occasionally peeked out of his shell. And then one night at dinner, Peter made a request that, in retrospect, they shouldn't have been so surprised by.

"Hey, um, I was wondering if it would maybe be okay if, um, I tried out karate?" 

"Sure, we can look into that," Bruce said, after only the slightest pause. "Would you be in Miguel's class?"

"I--maybe, I don't know if I'd be any good, or anything, but Miguel just makes it sound really, like...cool?"

"What about Academic Decathlon?" Tony asked.

"I, um, I think I could probably do both. AcDec is only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so. Um, and, anyway, I think it would look good on college applications? Right? Like they want you to be, you know, well-rounded."

Bruce asked, "Is it something _you_ want to do, or something you think colleges will want you to do? Because I don't think you need to worry about your college applications."

"Well, I mean, both," Peter said.

"Okay, then, sure, we'll see about getting you signed up," Bruce agreed. "What's the name of Miguel's karate place?"

"It's called Cobra Kai. It's, um, they call it a dojo."

"JARVIS, remind us to look up Cobra Kai later, okay?" Tony asked.

"Yes, sir," the AI replied. SI's home assistance software was hugely popular--and profitable--but Tony had kept the original prototype for himself. His JARVIS has a lot more personality than the consumer model, which had been released under the name FRIDAY.

"Do you have a lot of homework?" Bruce asked.

"Oh, I did it all already."

"Wow!" Tony said. He was always torn between feeling proud of how diligent Peter was, and worried that Peter was putting too much pressure on himself. "Well, we should celebrate."

Peter furrowed his eyebrows. "That I did my homework?"

Tony shrugged. "Why not? We could go see a movie or something."

Bruce said, "It's a school night."

"I'm not saying let's go out clubbing, we could just do something fun and still be back before bedtime. What do you think, Peter?"

"Um...that's really nice, but I don't think there are any good movies out right now."

"Of course not, there hasn't been a good movie out since 1989, but what about the _popcorn_?"

"We just ate dinner?" Peter said.

"You're a growing boy," Tony scoffed.

"It doesn't have to be a movie," Bruce said. "Maybe we could go get some ice cream?"

Peter bit his lip. "I do have some library books to return."

Tony sighed, but Bruce smiled and said, "And that good gelato place is across from the library."

Peter smiled back and nodded.

"You guys are nerds," Tony said happily. "Peter, do you want to invite any of your friends?"

"Um, no, that's okay, thanks."

"Maybe next time," Tony said.

While Peter was dutifully returning his library books in the dropbox, they saw a familiar face leaving the library. "Hey, Miguel!" Tony said cheerfully.

Peter and Miguel exchanged nods. Miguel said, "Hi, Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner! This is my friend Sam, we were just, um, studying together."

Sam turned out to be a pretty girl, who smiled and exchanged polite greetings. After a moment of small talk, Sam and Miguel headed out, and Tony, Bruce, and Peter went for their gelato.

"Soo, does Miguel have a girlfriend now?" Tony asked.

"Um, I don't think so, but I know he likes her," Peter said, after swallowing a bite of stracciatella. Tony felt his anxiety start to spike. What if Miguel got a girlfriend and ditched Peter? Miguel seemed like a really nice kid, and Tony would hate for Peter to lose his friendship. He knew Peter's old best friend had moved away over the summer, which was terrible timing. Tony was pretty sure he wouldn't have made it through college if he hadn't befriended Rhodey, and it was important to him that Peter have a friend like that in his life.

Tony quietly stewed while Peter and Bruce talked about the latest Murderbot Diaries book, which Peter had just returned. Later than night, after Peter had gone to bed, Tony blurted out his worries on the teen friendship front to Bruce.

"Oh, let's not put the horse before the cart, Tony," Bruce said. "Miguel's a sweet kid, I'm sure he'll still make time for his friends even if he starts dating."

"Yeah. You're probably right. Especially if he and Peter become karate bros." He pulled out his tablet and searched for "Cobra Eye." He frowned at the results and said, "JARVIS, what was the name of the karate place Peter wants to go to?"

"Cobra Kai, sir."

"Right, right."

"Also, I believe it's called a dojo, not a karate place," Bruce said. "We're going to have to learn the lingo if we're going to be karate dads. God, I never thought we'd be sports dads. This is going to be an adjustment."

Tony rolled his eyes and looked at the website. "This place looks nice, I guess," he said. He wasn't really sure what a karate dojo was supposed to look like, but the website had cool graphics and the instructor had won championships.

Bruce craned his head to look at the bold website, then brought it up on his phone. "It doesn't really seem to have any reviews or anything."

"It says it was established this year, I guess it's pretty new," Tony said. "Peter's getting in on the ground floor."

"I'd like to go visit it in person before we sign him up."

"I'm sure it's fine, Miguel goes there."

"I know, I know, but there are all those guidelines for foster children and extracurricular activities. I'd hate for DSS to hear that we were sending him to an unsafe program. What if--I mean, I just want to make sure we're doing it by the book."

"Okay, sure, that's a good point," Tony said, assuaging Bruce's anxieties even though he was pretty sure the state would look the other way for them.

"I'll try to drop by Friday, when Peter's in school."

"Wait, JARVIS, can you check our schedules and find a time when we can both go?"

"Yes, sir. This Friday between the hours of 11:00AM-1:30PM, neither of you have any engagements on your calendars."

"Perfect."

"I'll call them tomorrow," Bruce said. He didn't like for JARVIS to make appointments on behalf of Peter; he preferred to be more hands on. 

On Friday, since it was just the two of them, Tony drove them to Cobra Kai in his lovingly restored, candy apple red 1962 Porsche 356 convertible. It was one of his favorite cars, but it wasn't built for three.

As he turned into the parking lot of a dingy strip mall, Tony said, "Is this the right place?"

"Yeah, there's the sign," Bruce said and pointed.

"Hmm." They had indeed found Cobra Kai.

"Don't be a snob," Bruce scolded. "Some of the best pho comes from strip malls."

Tony decided not to point out that Bruce was the one who'd been worried about Cobra Kai's qualifications in the first place. He pulled into a parking space close to the dojo. They approached the building and found that the front door was locked.

A blonde man in a black karate uniform came running up to them with a hot dog in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other. "Hey, are you guys here for Cobra Kai? Nice _car_ , by the way."

"Thanks!" Tony beamed. "I did a lot of the restoration myself, kind of a hobby."

"Seriously, that is _badass_."

Bruce, who had little patience for car talk, said, "Hi, are you Mr. Lawrence?"

"I'm _Sensei_ Lawrence."

"Right, sorry, uh, I'm Bruce, we spoke on the phone yesterday?"

"Oh, yeah, right, your kid's friends with Miguel?"

"Yes," Bruce said.

"Miguel's a great kid," Lawrence said. 

"Yeah, he's a good friend to Peter. I'm Tony, by the way," Tony said, noting that Lawrence seemed not to recognize him.

"Oh, Tony, great shirt, man, I love Black Sabbath. Anyway, well, you guys are a little early, I was just grabbing lunch." He gestured with the hot dog. "But, uh, come in, I'll show you around." He tucked the beer under his arm, unlocked the front door, and held it open for them. 

The dojo was small and smelled like sweat. Bruce read the slogan that was painted in huge letters on the wall aloud: "'Strike first, strike hard, no mercy.' Isn't that...kind of violent?"

"Uh, what are you, a pussy?" Lawrence asked, punctuated by a bite of hot dog.

Bruce flinched. "Excuse me?"

Tony put a steadying hand on Bruce's back and said, "Seriously, we came here to see about karate lessons for our kid, not to be victims of a hate crime." He turned and headed for the door, pushing Bruce with him.

"Wait, wait," Lawrence said, following them toward the door. "Wait, you guys are both that kid's dad? Like you're, uh, gay?"

"Exactly like we're gay," Tony said.

"Well, I didn't mean _pussy_ like _gay_ , I'm not _homophobic_ ," Lawrence said. "Like, fuck whoever you want, whatever."

"That's very progressive of you," Tony said drily.

But Lawrence nodded eagerly. "Exactly! And we even let girls take karate now."

"Uh...huh…" Tony said.

"There are other karate dojos in the valley. If Peter wants to take karate, I'm sure we can find somewhere more welcoming," Bruce said. His voice sounded firm, but Tony was sure Bruce was more upset than he was letting on. 

"Yeah, well, you can waste your time checking out other dojos but you've already found the best one!" Lawrence called after their retreating backs.

In the car, Bruce started laughing hysterically. He almost sounded on the verge of a panic attack, and Tony asked, "You okay?"

Bruce nodded and kept laughing, tears running out of his eyes. "Oh my god, Tony, _what even_?"

"Yeah, that guy might be good at karate but he is _not_ cut out for sales."

"Or teaching, or human interaction…"

Tony looked at Bruce closely. It wasn't like him to be so harsh toward another person (aside from elected officials); Bruce must be really rattled. Tony squeezed Bruce's knee before starting the car. "Yeah. We'll find another dojo. Wanna get lunch first?"

Bruce took a deep breath. "Yeah, okay."

"Okay, I'll pop over to the Mini Mart and grab a couple hot dogs." Bruce laughed, and Tony relaxed. "Seriously, how about sushi?"

"Sushi sounds good."

Tony drove to their favorite sushi place, where they got tea and several rolls. Bruce still seemed distracted, and Tony nudged his foot under the table. "Hey, your sushi's going to get room temperature."

Bruce shook his head and murmured, "Sorry. I just...that Lawrence guy reminded me of my dad."

Tony grimaced. He'd figured as much, based on Bruce's reaction and what he knew about Bruce's father. "Yeah, he sucked. We'll find somewhere else for Peter. And you're safe now."

Bruce nodded. "Yeah. No, I know. But...what is Miguel learning from that guy?"

"Well...Miguel seems like he's got a good head on his shoulders. And he's never called us pussies."

"That's true." Bruce took a bite.

"Hey, this weekend I was thinking we could take Peter to that new Star Trek exhibit at the California Science Center," Tony suggested, hoping to change the subject.

"Oh, yeah, I've been wanting to check that out. I think he'll like that."

"Maybe he can invite Miguel and we can get some more details about the whole karate thing."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Bruce agreed. His tension seemed to fade, and Tony smiled. He hadn't had the best role model, but sometimes he felt like he was really getting the hang of being a husband and a dad. 

Unfortunately, Miguel was busy with karate. Even more unfortunately (as far as Tony was concerned), Demetri was available. He chattered Tony's ear off until Bruce swept them all into a showing of the IMAX Apollo 11 movie. The screening was packed, so Bruce and Tony ended up sitting a few rows behind the kids. Tony rested his head against Bruce's shoulder and whispered, "Thank you."

Bruce rubbed his thigh. "You know I love an IMAX."

"Remember that time in college when we got high and went to the planetarium?"

"Shh, we're role models now," Bruce whispered.

"Who says role models can't have fun?"

Bruce shook his head. Tony sighed and tried to keep quiet for the rest of the movie. He ended up drifting off to sleep on Bruce's shoulder, and when Bruce elbowed him awake, Tony squinted against the light. "What'd I miss?"

"Not much. I heard the whole moon landing thing was faked anyway," Bruce said.

"Weren't you the one saying we have to be role models now?"

"So much pressure," Bruce said. 

The auditorium had cleared out quickly, and Peter and Demetri came up to them. Demetri said, "My dad always falls asleep at movies too."

"I wasn't asleep, I was resting my eyes!"

"My dad always says that, too!"

Bruce and Peter both laughed; Tony made a show at grumbling but he liked hearing them laugh, even if it was at his expense. Afterwards, they got lunch at the museum cafe (which had gluten-free wraps for Demetri) and bought matching Star Trek shirts in the gift shop. 

After dropping Demetri off, Tony said, "So that was cool, right?"

"I couldn't believe they had a tricorder from the original series," Bruce gushed.

"No, yeah, totally!" Peter said from the backseat. He paused and added, "Um, but, I was wondering if you guys had thought anymore about, you know, karate classes?"

Bruce said, "I wonder how much Miguel has talked about his instructor to you?"

"A lot!" Peter said. "Miguel says Sensei Lawrence is really cool."

Bruce sighed. "We went to tour his, uh, dojo on Friday and we had some...concerns."

"What do you mean?" Peter asked.

"We might be more comfortable if you took karate classes somewhere else," Bruce said, glancing sidelong at Tony.

Tony was driving and trying to focus on the road, and he added, "Would that be okay? I mean, karate is karate, right?" He glanced at Peter in the rearview mirror and saw that the kid looked dejected.

"Oh. Um, yeah, no, I guess, it's just...like, I thought it would be cool to do it with Miguel."

"Maybe you and Miguel could both try a new class? Together?" Tony suggested.

"Maybe," Peter said doubtfully. "Miguel really likes Sensei Lawrence, though."

"Well...why don't we look into some other options, and maybe you can invite Miguel over for dinner again so we can talk about it?" Bruce said.

"Okay, yeah. Thanks."

When they got home, Peter retreated to his bedroom. Tony and Bruce sprawled out in the living room to research karate dojos. It wasn't exactly what Tony had imagined fatherhood would be like, but he wasn't complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few points for the Cobra Kai fans: 1) I don't think Demetri is canonically gluten free but doesn't it just seem like he would be? 2) I don't think Malibu exactly fits in geographically with West Valley high but also that school seems to draw from a huge area anyway, so, whatever. 3) If you're wondering where Eli/Hawk is, the recipient of this fic isn't a huge fan of him so he's just like...not around during the events of this story. He's probably at the tattoo parlor right now. Don't worry about it.


	2. Under Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will here repeat my note that the universe of this story alters the timeline of Cobra Kai seasons 1-2 in ways that should be clear to those have watched the show and irrelevant to those who haven't! Thanks for reading ♥

Bruce considered the twenty tabs of Valley-area karate dojos he had open and finally sent one to Tony's screen. "What about this one? Miyagi-do Karate? It looks...peaceful. And he doesn't charge for classes, so if--you know, if cost is a factor for Miguel, maybe that would help." He was aware of the class differences between Peter and his friends--between Peter and most people on earth, now--but also aware that it would be uncomfortable to offer to pay for Miguel's classes.

Tony said, "What do you mean he doesn't charge for classes?"

"Watch the video I sent you. He says it's free because for him karate isn't about money."

Tony scoffed. "If you don't have to pay for a product, that means _you're_ the product. What is it, some kind of multi-level marketing cult or something?"

"Just watch it."

Tony hit play and his expression grew less skeptical. "Oh, so it's marketing for his car dealership. That makes sense. Sort of."

"What? He didn't say anything about a car dealership."

"Babe, it's Daniel LaRusso. From LaRusso Auto Group?"

"You know I'm not into cars, Tony."

Tony laughed. "I know, but you have eyes, don't you? They have like a hundred billboards."

"Oh." Bruce frowned. He felt a little less enthusiastic about Peter learning karate from a car salesman. 

"Let's arrange a tour," Tony said. "No harm in comparison shopping."

"Unless he upsells us on some kind of karate extended warranty," Bruce muttered darkly. 

Tony laughed. "Don't worry. I'm an excellent negotiator."

On Monday, they drove out to Miyagi-Do Karate. As they parked and got out of the car, Bruce said, "Wow, beautiful garden," at the same time that Tony said, "Wow, beautiful cars." They glanced at each other and laughed. Tony reached over and took Bruce's hand as they walked up to the door of the dojo. 

Before they could knock, a small, dark-haired man bounded out and met them with a wide smile. Bruce supposed he _did_ sort of remember seeing this face on some billboards.

"Welcome, you must be Bruce and Tony! I'm Daniel."

"Are we supposed to call you 'sensei' or something?" Tony asked.

"Just Daniel is fine. I'll show you around and you can tell me more about my future karate student. We can start in the garden. I like having the kids train outside when we can."

Bruce said, "Peter's a junior at West Valley High and some of his friends have gotten into karate."

"Oh, really? Where?"

"Well, they take classes at Cobra Kai--" Bruce said, and Daniel winced. "Right, so, we visited that dojo and, uh…"

"And we wanted to explore other options," Tony said smoothly.

"Well, I'm glad you're here," Daniel said. "Cobra Kai is...that dojo has kind of a history in the valley. But enough about them. Here at Miyagi-Do, we believe karate is all about balance and should be used only for self defense."

"So, Yes Mercy, then?" Tony asked.

Daniel laughed. "You could say that, yes."

Bruce nodded in approval and said, "This garden is really something."

"Isn't it? I have my students help with the bonsai--it teaches them patience, another skill that karate can really hone. You know, high schoolers are under so much pressure these days. Karate can be a way for them to unplug and slow down."

"That's wonderful." Bruce felt more relaxed just being here. He felt sure this would be a much better environment than Cobra Kai, especially when Daniel led them inside to the gleaming, pine-scented dojo. Cobra Kai had given Bruce flashbacks to the horrors of high school gym class, but this place reminded him of the kinds of fancy spas Tony occasionally dragged Bruce to. "This is a really beautiful space. And so clean!" It looked like it had never been used.

Tony might have been having similar thoughts, because he asked, "So how many students do you have?" 

Daniel winced. "I've just re-opened Miyagi-Do after a long hiatus, so your son would really be getting in on the ground floor. I'd be able to provide very personalized attention."

Tony and Bruce glanced at each other, both clearly sensing some bullshit. Tony said, "Soo, could you put a number on that?"

"I currently have one student," Daniel admitted. "Plus my daughter. But many other families are interested! It's just been, you know, a matter of pinning down schedules…"

"Right. Of course," Tony said. "So those other cars in the parking lot…?"

"They belonged to Mr. Miyagi, the founder of this dojo. I just store them here."

After an awkward silence while they both processed that, Bruce asked, "Uh, so what is the class schedule like, then?" 

"Very flexible," Daniel said.

"That checks out," Tony mumbled.

"So just tell me what would work with your son's schedule and I'm sure we can make that work."

"We'll be in touch," Tony said.

Daniel's smile dimmed. "Wait, take this bonsai," he said, handing Bruce a little potted plant.

Bruce carefully cradled it. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll email you care instructions for it."

"Thanks. And thanks for the tour, it was really...refreshing," Bruce said.

"I hope your son thinks so too!"

Back in the car, Tony said, "Okay, it's fine, we'll just have to find a third dojo."

"Really? You didn't like Miyagi-Do?"

"He only has one student! And that place had like, creepy cult vibes."

" _Two_ students. Three if Peter starts. And it wasn't creepy, it was relaxing."

"His daughter doesn't count, and neither does Peter, because we're not sending him to that place."

"Does that mean I have to give the plant back?"

"No way, that's yours."

"I think it'll look nice in my office."

"Do you want more office plants? JARVIS, update my list of gift ideas for Bruce."

"Yes, sir."

"But JARVIS, could you also make a note for him to not go over the top with it?" Bruce added. "I don't want to end up with a botany lab for an office."

"A wise precaution, sir," JARVIS responded.

Tony scoffed audibly. "Oh, sorry if I _love my husband too much_."

"Does that mean you'd join a cult with me?"

"No, it means I'm going to deprogram you from Daniel LaRusso's weird karate cult. Maybe you should give the plant back after all."

Bruce clutched the little plant to his chest. "It's too late. I've bonded to it."

Tony shook his head, but he was smiling. "Do you have time to grab lunch? Should we pick up some Miracle Gro for your new companion?"

"I'll have to wait until Daniel sends me the care instructions," Bruce said. "I'm not sure if that stuff is good for bonsai trees."

"You mean you're awaiting instructions from your leader? Don't you already have a bonsai tree? I thought you were just being polite."

"I had one years ago but our housesitter killed it when we took that trip to South Africa, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Tony said, in a tone indicating that he absolutely did not remember.

"So I could use a refresher. Besides, I don't know, maybe it's like a special karate bonsai." Also, he'd liked Daniel LaRusso more than he'd expected to. It might be nice to keep in contact with him, if only to have further reassurance that not everyone who did karate turned out to be a jerk.

"It's not, he gives those away with every car he sells. At least according to the commercials. Anyway, was that a yes or no on human lunch?"

Bruce checked his phone. "Yeah, I could do a quick lunch. Maybe that Indian buffet near campus?"

Tony groaned. "The buffet? But I'm wearing skinny jeans today!"

"You don't have to--"

"No, now that you said it, I'm craving it, I'll just undo the top button if I need to."

"We could go to Sweetgreen--"

"I'm already on my way to the buffet. But I'm telling my personal trainer this was your fault."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Well, tell your trainer that I've relinquished all personal responsibility to my new cult leader."

"And?"

"And...also my bonsai tree?"

" _And_ don't you want to tell me that I look amazing and have great abs?"

"You already know that. _And_ you know that I love you no matter what you look like, and that gaining weight is not a moral failure."

"Aww. Maybe _you_ should start a cult."

"That's what my grad students are for."

Tony laughed as he pulled into the crowded parking lot of Curry Palace. Inside, they piled their plates high--Tony's personal trainer be damned--and squeezed into a corner booth.

His mouth full of chicken korma, Tony checked his phone and said, "Oh, yes!"

"What?" 

Tony swallowed and said, "Peter wants to know if Miguel can come over for dinner tonight. Yes, right? We don't have anything else?"

Bruce checked his own phone and nodded. "No, that's great."

Tony tapped out a response and said, "Hopefully we can get some more information about this Sensei Lawrence character."

"Or convince Miguel to find another dojo, too."

"But not the Miyagi cult."

Bruce sighed. "I guess it is a little weird that he only has two students even though the lessons are free."

" _One_ student and his daughter."

"I still don't think it's a cult, though."

"Not _yet_." Tony took his last bite and mused, "Maybe I could get a karate outfit. They look comfortable. Probably a pretty forgiving waistband, right?"

"I hope you don't talk like this around Peter. He doesn't need body image issues on top of everything else."

"You're right...that kind of thing could drive him to join a cult. Oh, Bruce, I'm kidding, you know I won't, stop making that Kermit the Frog face."

"What?"

"You know, when you're disappointed in me, you look like when Jim Henson would scrunch up his hand inside Kermit's face. Like this." Tony demonstrated, and Bruce burst out laughing. He could picture the exact Muppet expression Tony meant.

But he protested, "I do not make that face!"

"You do!"

"But if I did, you would deserve it."

"That's...fair. Anyway, we should get going before I get another plate of those squishy doughnut things."

"Also before I'm late for class."

"Right, right."

They paid the check and went back out to Tony's car. "Hey, what should we do for dinner tonight?" Tony asked.

Bruce thought about what was in the fridge. They needed to go shopping. "I could do a lentil loaf?"

"Babe. We want Miguel to like us. I'll pick up some meat on the way home, I can grill some burgers. And a lentil burger for you."

"Okay, that sounds good." Tony wasn't usually much for cooking, but he'd built an elaborate grill and loved using it whenever he got the chance.

"Yay!" Tony dropped Bruce off with a kiss, and Bruce managed to put his karate-based anxiety out of his head for long enough to teach his afternoon seminar. After class, he tried to make his way to the parking garage but was stopped by eight different students in the hallway who all had questions about their projects or requests for letters of recommendations or just nerdy jokes to share. 

Bruce had intentionally cut back on his course load that year so he'd spend less time at work but setting foot on campus always ended up being a timesuck like this. He loved his students, but he hated to be late, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he finally made it to his car. Barring unexpected nightmare traffic, he'd only be a few minutes late to pick up Peter and Miguel.

When he pulled into the pickup lane at school, he spotted Peter and Miguel right away. They were standing face to face with another pair of boys. Bruce couldn't hear what they were saying, but the body language seemed confrontational, and Peter looked nervous. Bruce could feel his heart rate spike as he glanced around for a teacher, but Bruce seemed to be the only adult around. Usually when he picked up Peter, he stayed in the car and waited for Peter to come to him. But today he turned off the car and approached the cluster of kids.

"Hey, Peter, everything okay?" he asked, looking pointedly at the other boys.

Peter swallowed. "Um, yeah, great, thanks for picking us up. Let's go, Miguel."

Miguel nodded and followed Peter to the car. One of the other boys called, "Hasta la vista!" in a mocking tone.

Bruce started the car but didn't pull away from his spot. "Seriously, Peter, who were those boys? You know you can tell me if...if anything's wrong."

"Everything's fine, can we please just go?" Peter asked.

Bruce sighed. "Okay, if that's what you want." He pulled out of the school lot and asked, "So...how was school?"

"Fine," Peter and Miguel chorused.

"Uh huh," Bruce said. He reminded himself that Peter hadn't known him for very long, and it would take time to earn his trust. He reminded himself that when he was a kid, it had felt desperately important to him to keep his abuse a secret. Surely whatever Peter was going through at school wasn't _that_ bad. Was it?

"Um," Peter spoke up. He'd mostly stopped calling his foster parents by formal titles but was also clearly still reluctant to call them by first name. He tended to just look at them and start sentences when he wanted to speak to them, which could be confusing.

"Yes?"

"I think--you missed our turn?"

Bruce blinked and looked around. "So I did. Sorry, guys, guess I was lost in thought." He kept going and turned around in the public beach parking lot down the road. He pulled into the garage and said, "I think Tony was planning to grill burgers for dinner, so those'll probably be ready around six, unless he burns down the deck first."

The boys laughed obligingly and disappeared upstairs to Peter's room. 

Bruce went to the kitchen and started cutting up vegetables to take his mind off of things. He let the veggie chunks rest in marinade and looked around for another distraction. He studied the contents of the refrigerator through the transparent window in the door and thought about making a pie from the blueberries they'd gotten at the farmers market that weekend, but he didn't really have enough time to make a crust. Maybe scones?

He was still staring inside the fridge when he felt a kiss on his cheek and heard Tony sing, "It's not easy being green."

"Hey, Tony."

"Brucie, what's wrong? You're making the Kermit face again."

"I'm not!" Bruce protested, but he felt his lips scrunch together against his will. He covered his mouth with his hand while Tony laughed. 

"C'mere," Tony said. He cupped Bruce's cheek with one hand and used the other to guide Bruce's hand away from his mouth; then he leaned in for a proper kiss.

Bruce sighed and kissed him back for a moment, then pulled away. "Stop, I don't want us to get a weird reputation with Peter's friends."

"Peter's friends will understand that we're both married to DILFs."

Bruce snorted. "I'm not sure that they'll see it that way. Anyway, speaking of Peter's friends, I saw something weird when I picked them up."

He recapped the scene to Tony, who frowned and said, "Oh, hence the Kermit face?"

"I...guess." Bruce crossed his arms and tried to keep his lips from curling up. "Anyway, I don't know, I don't want to make things worse but I just really wish Peter would tell us what's going on."

"Weren't you the one telling me to be patient?"

"That does sound like something I would say."

"I know you're worried about Peter, and I don't blame you, but...well, let's just keep an eye on him."

"Okay. Yeah. But you don't think…?"

"It's not that I don't trust your judgment, but...you didn't see those kids hitting Peter and Miguel, or anything, right?"

"Right."

"And he hasn't come home with any black eyes or anything."

Bruce felt his pulse race. "That doesn't mean--"

"No, I know, I know," Tony soothed. "I just--I'm sure you're right that those kids were being shitty, but I don't think it's as bad as what you're imagining. And we won't let it get as bad as--as that. Okay? We won't."

Bruce nodded. "Okay." 

Tony looked at him for a long moment and then pulled him into a hug. "Okay," Bruce repeated. He did feel better with Tony here. And he really hadn't seen anything so terrible, had he? He pulled back and said, "I, uh, put some vegetables in to marinate. I thought you could put some veggie kabobs on the grill, too? So the kids don't get scurvy?"

"Um, I also got lettuce and tomatoes to put on the burgers, so they're basically salads. But yeah, fine, we can do both." Tony put on his Iron Chef apron and started shaping burger patties, while Bruce stuck marinated veggies on bamboo skewers and cut up lettuce and tomatoes for garnishes.

Before long, Peter and Miguel came down. Peter set the table on the deck without being asked, and the four of them sat down with full plates. Bruce looked between his brilliant husband, his sweet foster son and his friend, and their beautiful ocean view and took a moment to just appreciate his good fortune. 

When he zoned back into the conversation, Tony was in the middle of asking Miguel how his karate lessons were going.

"Really great!" Miguel said. "I'm already learning a ton. Sensei Lawrence is the best."

Bruce cleared his throat. "Has your, uh, sensei, ever...I mean...has he ever said anything _inappropriate_ to you? Or...anything?"

Miguel grimaced, but he didn't look surprised at the question. "What do you mean?"

Tony said, "We went to meet with him and see the Cobra Kai...dojo...and he wasn't...especially welcoming."

"Oh, god, what did he say?" Miguel asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"I'd rather not repeat it at the dinner table," Bruce said.

Miguel nodded. He took a deep breath and said, "Okay. So like, the thing about Sensei Lawrence is, he's a really great guy, I swear, but he really doesn't know how to like, act in public these days. Sometimes I think he's been, like, cryogenically frozen since the 80s and he just thawed out. I think...I dunno, I don't think he really...gets out much? I mean, the first time I met him, he said--well, I know he can say some really messed up stuff. Like stuff that's totally offensive, now. But it's not...he's not a bad guy. He just doesn't know how he's supposed to talk. I've been trying to help him with that stuff."

"That shouldn't be your job, Miguel," Bruce said.

"I don't mind," Miguel said. "He's not just my sensei, he's my neighbor, so we see each other around a lot. He's...he looks out for me, so I look out for him."

Bruce smiled. Miguel really was a sweet kid. "That's nice."

"And he helps my mom and abuela, since my dad's not really...yeah." He looked down at his plate and added, "My mom hated Sensei Lawrence at first too, but now that she's gotten to know him she has him over for dinner and stuff."

"Hmm," Bruce said.

Miguel continued, "And I helped him get all the paperwork filed for the dojo. Everything is all set up and, you know, above-board, with the health department and everything."

"Do you work for him, then?" Tony asked.

"Kinda, I guess? I get free lessons," Miguel admitted. "I set up the Cobra Kai website too."

"Oh, you did? You did a great job!" Tony enthused. "Why aren't you in the computer club with Demetri?"

Miguel shrugged. "I dunno, the computer stuff is more like a hobby. And I like Demetri but some of the other kids in that club are kind of...intense."

"Ah. Yeah," Tony said, before taking a bite of his cheeseburger. Tony had accepted Demetri's forceful invitation to visit the computer club, and Bruce knew that he agreed with Miguel's assessment of those kids as "intense." 

"Plus I've been having karate classes during the time the computer club meets."

Bruce made an involuntary sound of disapproval. Peter was a brilliant kid and Bruce would prefer he not spend all his time fighting.

Quickly, Peter interjected, "But I could work karate around academic decathlon. And all my homework and everything. Please, can't I just _try_ Cobra Kai?"

Miguel said, "I know Sensei Lawrence can make a really bad first impression, but I think people deserve second chances."

Bruce and Tony glanced at each other. Tony gave Bruce a tiny shrug and head tilt; Bruce understood that Tony was letting Bruce make the decision. Bruce bit his lip and thought for a moment. It was true that Sensei Lawrence had given them an absolutely terrible first impression, but Miguel had made a good case for him. Maybe Bruce had even been a little bit classist in judging Lawrence? And Peter so rarely asked for anything that it would feel terrible to deny this small request.

Bruce sighed and said, "If that's what you really want to do, we'll figure it out, Peter. But if you don't like it, or if Sensei Lawrence--if he---if--well, you can quit for any reason, okay? And we'll support you. We can give him a second chance but we don't have to give him a third, you know?"

Peter smiled widely; it was maybe the happiest Bruce had ever seen him look in the few months he'd known him.

"Awesome!" Miguel said. He high-fived Peter and added, "And, um...I'll talk to Sensei Lawrence, about...well, whatever he said to you guys. So he won't do it again."

Bruce looked at Tony and could tell that he was trying not to laugh. Bruce pursed his lips--wait, was he making a Kermit the Frog face?--and said, "Thank you, Miguel. If Sensei Lawrence has a student like you, well, I guess he must be doing something right."

The conversation moved on to class schedules and where Peter could acquire a karate outfit--a gi--and other mundane details involved with a new extracurricular. In the absence of a pie, Bruce brought out berries and whipped cream for dessert. 

Tony took Miguel home, and Peter accompanied them on the trip. Bruce tidied up the kitchen and listened to a meditation podcast. He still felt terribly anxious about the whole karate thing, especially about Sensei Lawrence. But Miguel had spoken so convincingly, and Bruce really did believe most people deserved second chances. But what if giving Lawrence a second chance meant putting Peter in danger?

He finished the meditation podcast and decided to change clothes and head down to his yoga studio, where he lit a fancy candle Tony had given him and worked through a vinyasa flow. He finished the flow and lay flat on his back in corpse pose for several minutes before finally scraping himself off the floor.

"JARVIS, did Tony and Peter get home?"

"Yes, sir. Mr. Parker is in his bedroom and Mr. Stark is in his workshop."

"Thanks, JARVIS."

Bruce put away his yoga mat, blew out the candle, and found Tony in his workshop. Tony looked up and grinned. "Ooh, you look good in Spandex." Bruce rolled his eyes and Tony's grin faded. "Hey, are you okay? Sorry if I put you on the spot at dinner…I just figured you'd know what to say."

"No. Yeah. I--I don't know. You really think it'll be okay? The...the karate thing?"

"I think so, yeah. I actually saw Lawrence again tonight--he's Miguel's neighbor, you know, and he was out front of the apartment complex when we got there. He complimented my car but I don't think he recognized me."

"You think he insults so many potential karate students that he can't keep track of them?"

"No--well, maybe--but I mean, he didn't recognize _me_. Even when Miguel introduced me as 'Mr. Stark' it just rang no bells with him. Which, not to be vain--"

"--you would never--"

"--but I don't usually get that reaction. So I think Miguel's onto something when he said that guy's been in his own little world for awhile."

"Hmm."

"And I did talk to Miguel's mom, Carmen, and she agreed that Johnny's been helpful."

"Johnny?"

"That's what she calls him, I guess." Tony looked at Bruce for another moment and then turned off his holographic drafting table display. "Hey. Do you want--do you want me to be the karate dad?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, this guy...if he's what's been bothering you, what if I take over picking Peter up from karate and all that. You never have to see him."

Bruce twisted his hands together. "I--I guess that would be nice. But it's not just me, I--I worry about him...hurting Peter. Or Miguel, for that matter. Or anyone."

"Well, if he does, we'll obviously pull Peter out immediately and sue Lawrence into next week. But I dunno, that doesn't seem like this guy's deal to me. I think he's just rough around the verbal edges."

" _Really_ rough."

Tony nodded and hummed in acknowledgement of that point. "So, what do you say? I'll be karate dad, you be academic decathlon dad?"

Bruce smiled. "Okay. Yeah. Deal."

"I still want to come to academic decathlon tournaments though."

"I'll save you a seat."

"Or I'll just sit on your lap."

"I really think Peter and his friends would prefer that you didn't." Tony pouted, and Bruce gave him a kiss. "In public, at least," he added.

"I can live with that," Tony agreed. He kissed Bruce and said, "So...maybe we should go to bed? That's private."

So was the workshop, but Bruce's knees were starting to protest sex on hard surfaces. "It is. Let's check on Peter, first? It's just about his bedtime."

"And ours."

Peter's door was open but Bruce knocked on the doorframe anyway in acknowledgment of Peter's right to privacy.

"Yeah? I mean, come in," Peter called. He was lying in bed on his stomach with his laptop open. They'd given him a new computer when they brought him home, but Peter stored it in his desk and continued using the battered laptop he'd built himself.

"We just wanted to say goodnight," Bruce said.

"And we'll get you set up for Cobra Kai soon," Tony said. "If that's still what you want."

"Yes! Thank you! If--if that's okay," Peter said, looking at Bruce.

Bruce sighed. "It's okay with me as long as you're happy with it. I--I didn't think too much of Sensei Lawrence when I met him, but Miguel made some good points. I just don't want you to be in an activity where you don't feel...respected. That's all. But if you like his classes as much as Miguel does, then...then, that's great."

"Okay. Yeah. Thanks. Um. Goodnight."

"Lights out by 11, okay?" Bruce asked. "Developing brains need sleep."

"I know," Peter said.

"Night, kid. Don't let the bedbugs bite," Tony said cheerfully.

Down the hall, Bruce and Tony went to bed. Tony skillfully distracted Bruce from his worries for a while, and then they both fell asleep.

And then the light came on, and Bruce became dimly aware of Tony's voice. "Bruce, hey, Bruce, wake up, it's just a dream, you're okay…"

Bruce opened his eyes and sat up. He saw Tony sitting up next to him, his arms crossed over his chest. Over the course of their relationship, Tony had learned the hard way not to use touch to wake Bruce from a nightmare. When they'd first gotten together, Tony had tried to shake him and gotten a black eye for his trouble, as Bruce lashed out against his imagined assailant. Nearly twenty years had passed and Bruce still felt ashamed of that memory, though Tony had forgiven him instantly. Bruce took a shaky breath and collapsed against Tony's chest.

Tony sighed and rubbed his back, murmuring reassurances while Bruce struggled for breath. Finally Bruce whispered, "This is what I was afraid of."

"What, honey?" Tony asked. "It was just a dream."

"No, I mean--I don't want my issues to mess up Peter's life."

"What? That's not what's happening."

"With this karate stuff, I just…"

"Bruce, this karate stuff is super fucking weird, anybody would think so. You're just being a good, concerned parent, looking into it."

"You think so?"

"I know so." Tony's hand drifted up Bruce's back and started stroking his hair.

"Okay."

"Anyway, I'm the karate dad, remember? Everything's going to be fine."

Bruce let out a soft laugh. "I love you."

"Love you too, nerd dad."

"I thought I was academic decathlon dad."

"That's too many syllables. 'Nerd dad' flows right off the tongue." Bruce huffed, and Tony carefully shifted on the bed so he was lying on his back with Bruce pressed against his chest. "Okay, we can workshop it. Science dad?"

Bruce thought about pointing out that with Tony's credentials, he could just as easily also be called a "science dad." But it was late, and he was tired, and Tony had already accepted his role as "karate dad," so Bruce just said, "I'll take it. Let's go back to sleep."

"Lights, J."

The room faded back into darkness. "Night, Tony. Thanks."

"Any time," Tony replied. "Good night, science dad."

It took awhile, but Bruce eventually drifted back to sleep, lulled by Tony's even breaths and the dreams of a better tomorrow.


	3. Metal Health

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to say that the chapter title isn't a typo but rather the name of a [Quiet Riot song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_1ruZWJigo). Thanks for reading!

Peter understood why his foster parents had been concerned about sending him to Cobra Kai. Sensei Lawrence was kind of a jerk on his best days, and a real a-hole on his worst days. He called his students worse names than what high school bullies could come up with, and the physical torments he put them through were worse than what gym teachers were legally allowed to make kids do.

If his foster parents ever found out what Sensei Lawrence's classes were really like, they'd definitely make Peter quit, which was why it was so important that they never find out. 

Ever since May died, everybody walked on eggshells around Peter. Teachers went out of their way to make excuses for him, and his fellow students mostly ignored him--nice kids didn't know what to say, and even the bullies who used to make fun of him and his best friend Ned for being nerds seemed to give him a pass. That part hadn't been so bad, except then Ned's mom had gotten a stupid promotion at work and their whole family moved to stupid New York over the summer. Without Ned around, _nobody_ knew what to say to Peter, which was how Peter had ended up eating lunch with Miguel in the first place.

Miguel was new at West Valley High that year, so at first he didn't know about Peter's family. He'd been okay after he found out--better than most, really. Miguel didn't really remember his dad, so he didn't relate to Peter's grief. But he knew what it was like to have a family that looked different from most others, and he was smart and funny and nice. He'd also brought Peter together with Demetri and Eli, and it was nice to have a little group of friends, even though hanging out with that group made Peter more susceptible to bullying from Kyler and his dumb friends. It was worth it not to be alone.

Peter really liked hanging out with Miguel, which meant hearing so much about how awesome karate was that it made Peter want to give it a try, despite his foster parents' confusion and unspoken disapproval.

So yeah, Sensei Lawrence was an a-hole and said all kinds of stuff he really _shouldn't_ say, but when he looked at Peter he saw a terrible loser who was bad at karate instead of a tragic double-orphan. That made Sensei Lawrence's rare, hard-won words of praise feel more valuable. He'd never say something fake just to make someone feel better. 

Plus, Peter found that he actually liked karate more than he'd expected to. It was hard, but the repetitive work of doing each move over and over until he got it right had a kind of numbing effect on his brain. If he was committing fully to doing karate, he didn't have any energy left to spend grieving May. And afterwards, sometimes he could actually fall asleep instead of laying there, awake and sad, for hours.

He landed another kick on the bag and heard Sensei Lawrence say, "Not bad, Parker."

Peter beamed. "Thank you, Sensei."

"Now let's see how you do against a human target. Diaz, come here and spar with Parker."

"Yes, Sensei," Miguel called, while Peter tried not to groan. This was the part of karate that he liked the least. He'd rather do a million pushups or hit a bag all day than have to fight against his friend. Especially when his friend was still way better than him. But if this is what he had to do to get better, he'd do it. It had been so cool when Miguel had stood up to those jerks in the cafeteria. If Peter got better at karate, maybe he could do stuff like that too. Peter didn't really want to hurt anyone, but the idea of being able to protect someone else was cool.

Peter and Miguel bowed to each other and then Miguel instantly came in with a swift punch. Peter managed to block it, but Miguel kept going. Peter didn't blame him--he'd seen how Sensei reacted if he felt that someone was holding back--but he knew he wasn't up to Miguel's skill level yet. Miguel quickly confirmed that by landing a hard kick on Peter's ribs.

Peter dropped to the mat and winced with pain. "Sorry!" Miguel said, kneeling down next to him. "You okay, Peter?"

"No mercy," Sensei Lawrence reminded them.

Peter ran a hand over his ribs and drew a painful breath. "It's okay, Miguel, I don't think anything's broken."

Peter stood up, raised his hands in a defensive stance, and braced himself for Miguel's next point. "Don't just stand there, Parker!" Sensei snapped. "Keep moving, watch your opponent. Strike first!"

Peter took a deep breath and aimed a punch at his friend. Miguel blocked it, but Peter tried again and managed to make contact. "Point for Parker! Don't go easy on him, Diaz!"

Miguel gave Peter a tiny smile and eyeroll-- _Sensei's really hardcore but we're still friends_ , he communicated silently. Peter nodded back and blocked a kick from Miguel, and they kept going. Miguel won the match, of course, and Sensei said, "Nice work, Diaz. Parker...you're getting better. Keep it up."

That counted as high praise from Sensei Lawrence, and Peter was still smiling after he said goodbye to Miguel and went out to the parking lot. Mr. Stark smiled back from the driver's seat. "Hey, kid! Had a good day?"

"Um, yeah, I guess, yeah. Karate was good," Peter offered. He buckled his seatbelt and asked, "How was your day?"

Mr. Stark shrugged. "It was okay. Did some more debugging for the next generation of StarkPhones. They're going to be really cool once we can get them to stop exploding."

"They explode?"

"Only under a few very specific circumstances, but I admit that ideally they wouldn't explode at all."

Peter laughed. Mr. Stark had such weird problems, and Peter liked hearing him talk about them, although it really did seem like he should be working on those instead of driving his foster son to therapy. 

"Oh, you think this is funny?" Mr. Stark asked, but he didn't sound mad. "Yeah, I mean, it definitely would be if it was happening at HammerTech."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Of course I will!" Tony said. "Or at least one of the many brilliant people I've hired to work on it will. Do you have a lot of homework tonight?"

"Some."

"Well, if you have any questions, Bruce and I will be around."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Or if you have questions about spelling, JARVIS will be around." Peter nodded, and Mr. Stark said, "I'm kidding. You have spell check."

"Right."

Back at the house, Mr. Stark said, "Okay, you have twenty minutes to shower and grab a snack and then we'll head back out for your appointment."

"Um, you know, I was thinking, I could just take an Uber?" As nice as the house was, Peter really wished his foster parents didn't live on a cliff on top of the ocean; he missed being able to get around by bike. The apartment he'd shared with May had been smallish and the shared hallway always smelled weird, but it had been close enough that he hadn't needed to rely on her for rides to most places. Which was good, because her job at the hospital had had such weird hours so she hadn't always been around. It really wasn't fair that May had spent so much of her life working for so little money, while Mr. Stark had way too much money and seemingly endless free time.

"What? Absolutely not," Mr. Stark said indignantly. Then his eyes widened. "Ooh, are you embarrassed to be seen with me in public? I always see kids on TV being embarrassed by their parents but mine were never around enough for me to find that relatable. Also, I'm very cool, which I kind of thought went without being said."

"No, uh, no, of course I'm not embarrassed, I just...figured you had better things to do than drive me around?" 

"Well, you figured wrong, buddy!" Mr. Stark peered into the fridge and said, "Hey, we have string cheese! You want one? Are you getting enough calcium? You should have one."

Peter took the proffered string cheese. "Thanks?"

"You're welcome." Mr. Stark settled at the kitchen counter and started eating his string cheese, which was sort of a funny image compared to how cool he usually looked on magazine covers and stuff. Peter ate his quickly and headed upstairs to shower. He changed into jeans and a T-shirt that Dr. Banner had given him. It said, "You Matter (unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared, then You Energy)" and it made Peter laugh.

Mr. Stark smiled at the shirt, too, and said, "Whew, you smell way better now. Let's get going." He blasted classic rock as he drove, loud enough that they couldn't really talk, which was just fine with Peter. He liked the loud music that both Mr. Stark and Sensei Lawrence liked to play. Sometimes Peter felt like if the music was loud enough, it would drown out his thoughts. Sometimes Peter felt like he just wanted to scream, and the music was right there with him.

Mr. Stark pulled into a parking space and said, "Okay, I'll be right here when you get out. Or call if you need anything."

"Okay. Thanks," Peter said. He walked into the office building and checked in with the receptionist.

She smiled at him and said, "Thanks sweetie, Ruby will be right with you."

Peter nodded and sat down in the waiting room. He picked up a copy of _Wired_ magazine and saw his foster dad smiling back at him. Putting that one aside, he found a more recent issue with a cover story about digital activism, trying to remember points from it that he could bring up in conversation with MJ at their next academic decathlon practice. He kept reading until Ruby stuck her head out into the waiting room. "Hey Peter, come on back!"

He left the magazine and followed his therapist back into her office. He settled on the couch and she said, "Nice shirt!"

"Thanks. Dr. Banner gave it to me."

"I like it because it's true, you do matter."

"I _am_ matter, and so is everything else," Peter corrected.

"Okay, well, why not both?" He shrugged and she continued, "So, how have you been since last week?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

He shrugged again and picked up a beaded sensory toy from the table, twisting and reshaping it. 

Ruby said, "I noticed you're still calling your foster parent 'Dr. Banner.' You've been with them for how long, now?"

"Like three months, I guess?" 

"Did he ask you to call him by his formal title?"

Peter shook his head 'no.'

"What about your other foster parent?"

Peter slumped in his chair, then winced when the new posture made his ribs ache. "I--no, they both told me to call them by their first names, but…"

"Peter, anything you say in here stays between us, unless I think you're in physical danger. Are your foster parents hurting you?"

"What? No, god no. No, they're...really...protective."

"Okay. Well, if that ever changes, you tell me, okay?"

"No, they're...they're not bad parents. They're really good, they're just…"

Ruby waited patiently and asked, "Just what?"

"I just figure they'd want a better kid than me."

"Why do you say that?"

Peter stared at her. "Isn't it obvious?"

"I don't think so, no. I think you're a great kid, Peter."

"Okay, I mean, thanks, but, like...they had this perfect life before me. If they wanted a kid they should have gotten like, a cute little baby. Not...me."

"Interesting. Why do you think they had a perfect life?"

"You know who they are, right?"

She nodded and waited for him to continue.

Peter sighed, irritated at having to say the obvious aloud. "Well, they're like...super rich, and smart, and they have like, a mansion and perfect jobs and they're so in love with each other that it's like, gross. What else could they want?"

"They wanted a child, Peter. They wanted you."

"But like...why?"

"Have you asked them that?"

Peter shook his head.

"Don't you think they'd be the best ones to answer your question?"

"I guess I...I feel like maybe if I call attention to it, they'll like...realize?"

"Peter, how much do you know about the foster-to-adopt process?"

Peter shrugged.

"Prospective foster parents have to fill out paperwork, take classes, go through meetings with social workers...all kinds of steps before they can even be considered to be matched with a child. It's not like picking up a pizza. You can't get a child on a whim. They wanted you very badly."

"...Okay," Peter said. He supposed he didn't know that much about the process but it seemed like foster kids were supposed to be temporary. Whenever you saw foster kids on TV, it always seemed like they'd gone through a ton of families. How long was Peter supposed to stay with Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark? But he didn't want to ask that in case it reminded them to return him.

"Do you think you've been trying to create distance between yourself and your foster parents?"

"No! ...Maybe?"

"I think it's natural that you might want to do that. You've already had a lot of loss in your life. If you think that you might lose these people soon, it would make sense that you'd want to protect yourself from feeling hurt."

Peter admitted, "I think it kind of hurts their feelings. Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark, I mean, that I--that I call them that."

"Have they said that to you?"

"No, they just...I dunno. Look kinda sad sometimes." Peter picked at his nails. He wasn't _trying_ to make them feel bad, but he also...well, Ruby was probably right when she said he was trying to keep distance between him and them. He hadn't really thought about it like that, but it did make sense.

"Do you think it's your responsibility to make them happy?"

"Isn't it?"

She shook her head. "They have responsibilities to you, to keep you safe and cared for. To make sure you get an education and medical care, all of your material needs."

"No problem there," Peter mumbled. They'd always been super generous with Peter, uncomfortably so. Like, if they sent him to another family, was he going to be able to keep the stuff? He wasn't sure, so he didn't want to get used to having it.

She smiled. "That's good. But you don't need to worry about making them happy, Peter. You're not responsible for their moods. Do they make you feel that you are?"

Peter thought about it and shook his head 'no.'

"Did you feel that you were responsible for making your Aunt May happy?"

"Um...I don't know, kinda. Like...especially after Uncle Ben died, it was like...just the two of us? And I...I mean, it's not like she'd _make_ me do anything...except like go to school and eat vegetables and stuff...but like, I wanted her to be happy? And I usually knew what would make her happy. So. Yeah? Like--like I'd show her frog memes?" Peter's voice cracked and Ruby handed him a box of tissues. "Sorry...frog memes are a dumb thing to cry about."

"There's nothing dumb about your feelings, Peter."

"I just really miss her."

"Do you ever talk about her with your foster parents?"

"No...not really."

"Do you think they wouldn't understand?"

"I...I don't know. Maybe." Peter bit his lip. "I mean, I know--I know Mr. Stark's parents died when he was in college, everyone knows that, but...it was a long time ago, for him, and he doesn't ever talk about them. It doesn't seem like he misses them or anything. He always just seems...fine. More than fine, he's like, the coolest guy." It was impossible to imagine Mr. Stark crying himself to sleep the way Peter did.

Ruby tilted her head thoughtfully. "Is it possible that his public persona is different from his private feelings?"

"I guess. Yeah." Peter tried to remember conversations they'd had. "This one time...Mr. Stark said that, um, that having me with them was their dream, but it was my nightmare, because...well, because I'm only with them because May died."

Ruby nodded. "That's an astute observation."

"Yeah. I guess. But I mean, Mr. Stark says...I mean he says really over the top stuff."

"So you don't think he means the things he says?"

"I...I mean, I don't think he's a liar, I just...think maybe he exaggerates stuff. Like he always says it's like, the best pizza ever or that we're going to have an epic trip to the grocery store. Or whatever."

"What about Dr. Banner?"

"He doesn't talk as much." But thinking about it now, Peter realized that Dr. Banner never made any kind of reference to his family. Did Peter have any foster grandparents? Or foster aunts and uncles? Maybe Dr. Banner hadn't mentioned them because he didn't think Peter was ready to meet them. Or because he didn't think Peter would be around long enough for it to matter. Or...maybe they didn't exist.

Ruby nodded. "Okay. But overall...you feel that your foster parents wouldn't understand your grief if you expressed it to them, and you feel a pressure to make your foster parents feel happy, because otherwise you think they might return you to the custody of the state? Is that a fair recap?"

Peter chewed his lip. It felt weird to hear it stated outright like that, but he said, "Yeah, I--I guess that's how I feel. Sometimes. I don't know."

"It's okay if you don't know how you feel, or if you feel contradictory things."

"I mean, it's not that I don't think they care...like, they ask me how I feel, and stuff, but like...you're kinda just supposed to say fine, right?"

"That can be the case when you're having casual conversations with acquaintances, but I don't think that's necessarily the best practice for friends and family members."

"Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. So...uh...what should I do?" Peter appreciated that Ruby liked to let Peter talk things through and come to his own conclusions, but sometimes he just wanted someone to tell him what to do. Which, come to think of it, was another thing he liked about karate.

"Well, you might try talking to your foster parents about your feelings. You could take them at face value and answer honestly when they ask how you're doing." Peter widened his eyes, and Ruby smiled. "I know it sounds scary, but I also know that you can do hard things. Do you want to practice that conversation?"

Peter didn't really want to do that, but he wasn't sure what else he might have to talk about if he didn't agree, so he went through some role plays with Ruby until his hour was up. She walked him back out to the waiting room and said, "Take care, Peter. Text if you need anything between appointments, okay? I'm here for you."

Peter nodded and thanked her. Out in the car, Mr. Stark was reading on his tablet, but he looked up with a smile when Peter approached.

"Hey, kid. How'd it go?"

Peter shrugged. "Fine."

"Are you in the mood for anything for dinner?"

"Whatever's fine."

"Bruce said his meeting ran late so he asked us to pick something up. Maybe Chinese?" Mr. Stark peered at Peter intently. "No? Thai?"

Peter flinched. Thai food was his and May's thing. "Chinese sounds good."

They ordered a bunch of food on the app and drove over to pick it up. Peter turned the music up to avoid conversation and discreetly pressed his hand against the sore spot on his ribs. He kept quiet at dinner, answering questions with only the bare minimum responses.

"You've had a long day, huh?" Dr. Banner asked sympathetically.

"Um. Yeah, I guess." So far, he was not doing the best job of expressing his feelings to his foster parents, but he had a week before his next therapy session. He could work up to it.

Dr. Banner nodded and redirected the conversation to Mr. Stark. The two of them talked like Peter wasn't even there. Peter finished eating in silence and stood up to put his plate in the dishwasher. "I'm going to go do my homework," he mumbled.

"Okay, just let us know if you need anything," Dr. Banner replied. 

Peter nodded and went upstairs. First, he got a couple of Tylenol out of the bathroom cabinet and swallowed them in hopes of dulling the pain in his side. Then he sat at his desk with his laptop and his history textbook, trying to come up with an outline for his research project. He slogged through his homework for a few hours. He came up with some satisfactory efforts and put himself to bed before 11, feigning sleep when Dr. Banner softly knocked on his closed door. 

He wanted his feigned sleep to turn into real sleep, but his mind was racing and his ribs hurt. Finally, he crept downstairs in hopes that an ice pack would help. He was rummaging in the freezer when he heard footsteps in the kitchen. He whirled around and saw Dr. Banner, dressed in an old MIT T-shirt and flannel pants. His curly hair was sticking up everywhere, and he looked surprised to see Peter.

"Sorry!" Peter said.

"For what?"

"I mean, I know it's past my bedtime…" The glowing clock on the microwave showed 1:30AM.

"Peter, if you're hungry, you should eat something. We'd like for you to aim for a regular schedule because sleep is important for your body, but so is food."

"Oh. Right." Peter decided to go with the snack idea; Dr. Banner seemed more amenable to that than he might have been to an ice pack for a karate injury. He pulled out a frozen juice bar and asked, "Do you want one?"

"Oh...sure." Dr. Banner took a juice bar in one hand and turned on the electric kettle. "I was actually going to make some tea. Do you want any? It might help if you're having trouble sleeping."

"Um...sure, thanks."

Dr. Banner made two cups of chamomile tea and set one in front of Peter. They ate their juice bars in silence, waiting for the tea to cool. Abruptly, Dr. Banner said, "You know, Peter, I was around your age when my mom died."

Peter blinked. "Really?" He'd known that Mr. Stark had been orphaned in his late teens, but he realized he didn't know much about Dr. Banner's personal life. He'd grown up seeing Tony Stark on TV and magazines and all over the internet, but not much about Dr. Banner. Even Dr. Banner's Wikipedia page was focused on his scientific discoveries, with just one line under "Personal life" about his marriage to Mr. Stark. It didn't say anything about his parents.

Dr. Banner nodded and continued, "I went to live with my aunt and uncle, and my cousin, and for the longest time I was just so nervous around them. I thought I needed to be on my best behavior all the time, or they'd kick me out."

"Oh."

"It wasn't true, of course. They loved me, and they wouldn't have done that. But it took me a long time to understand that. And it took them a long time to realize why I was acting that way. They thought I was just shy. Which wasn't entirely wrong." He sipped his tea. "So I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew that Tony and I love you, and we will even if you stay up too late or don't get straight As or, or, whatever's on your mind."

Peter's throat felt tight and he didn't trust himself to speak, so he gave a jerky nod.

Dr. Banner gave him a small smile. Sitting there at the kitchen counter, with his bedhead and pajamas, he somehow looked more _human_ than Peter was used to seeing him. Peter drank some of his tea and blurted out, "Do you still miss her?"

"Hm? Oh, my mom?"

Peter nodded.

"Every day."

"Oh." Peter's shoulders slumped. 

"I don't mean to tell you that it won't get easier. It does. But sometimes that made me feel worse, like if I wasn't completely miserable, it was a betrayal of her memory. But...she'd want me to be happy."

This sounded suspiciously similar to the kinds of platitudes Peter had been fed by sympathy cards and teachers. Dr. Banner sounded more believable than most people, but Peter's face must have let some of his irritation slip.

Dr. Banner nodded. "Yeah, I know. I used to get _so mad_ when people said stuff like that to me. I...it was hard for me to believe that anyone could possibly understand the way I felt, and it made me mad to think that people would pretend like they could. Sometimes it made me mad just when I saw other people feeling happy."

Peter felt uncomfortably seen. He'd been wrapped up in his own pain, assuming that there was no way his perfect foster parents could understand what he felt like. "Um, what about your dad?"

Dr. Banner was quiet for a long time, and Peter said, "Sorry, nevermind."

"No, it's okay, Peter. It's a reasonable question. I...I suppose when you first came home with us, Tony and I didn't see the need to burden you with some of the darker parts of our pasts, since you already had so much on your plate...but...well, my father died in prison. He was serving a life sentence for...murdering my mom."

"Oh my god!"

Dr. Banner sighed. "Yeah. He was a violent alcoholic, and one night he just--but, Peter, I--I hope you know that I've...I'll never be like him. I promise."

"Of course not!" Peter said, surprised at the idea. "You're like, the nicest guy."

Dr. Banner gave him a shaky smile. "I'm glad you think so."

Suddenly Peter thought back to how often Dr. Banner had worried over the idea that people might be hurting Peter. Peter had thought it was weird and honestly a little annoying, but now he swallowed hard and looked across the table at his foster dad, who looked less like a distant, Nobel prize-winning genius and more like a kind, sad human. "Did…" He trailed off. He was pretty sure that he knew the answer already. He changed course mid-question. "Um, do you want a hug? ...Bruce?"

Bruce jerked his head in surprise and smiled. "Okay. Yeah. If you don't mind."

Peter shook his head and stood up from the kitchen stool. Bruce stood too and wrapped him in a tight bear hug. Peter winced in pain and made an involuntary sound, and Bruce immediately pulled back with a look of concern.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

Peter shook his head. "No, I'm fine. I...I'm just a little sore. From karate."

Bruce's expression shifted. "How sore? Do you need X-rays? Have you had any painkillers? What happened? Can I see it?"

"It's fine, it's not that bad, I already took some Tylenol."

"Let me see it."

Peter realized that Bruce wasn't going to let this go and he lifted up the edge of his T-shirt. Bruce let out a low whistle. "Oof. That's a big bruise."

"It's not that bad! Please, please don't make me quit karate."

Bruce laughed. "I won't! I won't. I can tell you really like it...you always seem happier after your classes. I'm sorry I was skeptical of it at first, I just...well, I didn't want you to get hurt. But I guess...there are worse things than getting hurt doing something you love. And I really don't want you to feel like you have to keep it a secret when you get hurt. Okay?"

"Yeah." Peter sighed with relief, which also made his ribs hurt. He pulled his shirt back down and said, "Um...Bruce? Could I ask you something?"

"Of course, Peter." (This is what Peter meant about Bruce being nice; if he'd said that to his other foster parent, he was positive Tony would have replied, "You just did.")

"Um...well, I was just wondering...when you stopped feeling angry?"

"What?"

"You said...after your mom...that sometimes you felt angry at other people? For kind of no reason? So...when did that stop for you?"

"Oh, Peter," Bruce said sadly, and Peter felt a pit form in his stomach. Why had he asked that? Probably Peter should be over this already. Now Bruce would know what a bad person Peter was, how resentful and selfish he was on the inside.

"Nevermind," Peter said.

"No, no, it's just...it never stopped."

"What?"

"I...I still feel that way sometimes."

"But you never seem angry."

Bruce looked up at Peter with wide eyes. "I'm never angry at you, Peter. But, for example, recently I was talking with some coworkers about their Thanksgiving plans and I just felt so furious at everyone who was going to have a big family get-together, everyone whose parents and grandparents are still around...I was jealous and it made me mad." He sighed. "Even though I know it's not their fault. And of course I'm happy to be having our meal with you and Tony, but I wish...but I still...yeah, I definitely still feel angry sometimes."

"Oh. Well, in general, though, you just always seem so...calm."

"I've worked really hard at being productive with my anger. It's...I've had a lot of therapy, and meditation, and yoga, and...that kind of thing. It was important to me that I keep my anger from controlling me, that I didn't...that I don't...that I don't let my anger hurt other people. But I still feel it. And I've learned that that's okay, it's a natural emotion. I just have to find ways to channel it."

"Maybe you should try karate."

Bruce laughed. "Maybe I should. Does karate help you when you're feeling angry?"

Peter nodded. He was still thinking about how to put his feelings about that into words when Tony came into the kitchen. He was wearing a red silk robe and he said, "Are you two having a party without me?"

Bruce smiled at him. "All aboard the Insomnia Express. Do you want some tea?"

"Ugh. No." Tony opened a can of flavored water for himself and settled in at a kitchen stool. "Anything in particular keeping anybody up?"

Bruce shrugged. "The usual," he said, and Tony reached out to squeeze his hand. 

Peter looked at these two tired, disheveled geniuses and said, "I, um. I've been wondering why you guys...wanted me?"

"We wanted to start a family," Tony said, which was just a meaningless thing people said.

"Weren't you already a family? The two of you?"

Tony nodded. "I guess to be more specific, we wanted kids. A kid. You."

"But why me? Why not like, a cute little baby?"

"Well, we ran into certain biological deficits…"

Peter snorted in spite of himself. "But you could have adopted a baby. Or gotten a surrogate or something."

"Our case worker felt like we might be able to connect with you," Tony said.

"Why?"

"Because of your intelligence, and because...because we know what it's like to lose your family at a young age," Bruce said.

"That's it?" Peter asked. He'd known that Tony had been orphaned as a teen, but it didn't seem like it had affected him that much. Tony always seemed so confident and brilliant. But he'd just learned that Bruce wasn't as well-adjusted as he seemed, so...maybe he did have more in common with his foster parents than he'd thought.

"That was it on paper," Tony said. "And then we met you, and...and we just felt like it was right."

Bruce nodded. "We never had a moment's doubt."

"Really?"

"Of course, Peter," Tony said. "We love you."

"Then, um." Peter took a deep breath. None of this was going like his roleplay conversations with Ruby, but he figured he'd better just get it all out before he lost his nerve. "Then why am I just your...foster son? Like, how long can I stay here?"

Bruce and Tony glanced at each other, and Bruce said, "I guess--I guess we didn't want to overwhelm you with details in the beginning, and then it…"

Bruce trailed off and Tony continued, "Did you know that if you're over twelve years old, you have to consent to be formally adopted by someone?"

"What?" Peter asked.

"There's paperwork and all that, but there's a court hearing, and, uh, the judge would ask you if you wanted to be adopted by us," Bruce said. Peter stared at them for a long moment and Bruce added softly, "And...we weren't sure if you did?"

"Of course I do! I mean--if I can't be with May...of course I want to stay with you. If you want me to."

Bruce's eyes silently filled with tears and Tony's face lit up with a huge smile. "Yeah?" Tony asked.

"Well, yeah, of course."

Tony stood up and hugged Peter, even as Bruce called out, "Wait!"

Peter tried his hardest not to say "ow" out loud, but Tony was hugging him really hard. Bruce opened the freezer and pulled out a blue gel ice pack, the very thing Peter had been looking for in the first place. He wrapped it in a tea towel and handed it to Peter, who held it against his ribs and sighed with relief.

Tony said, "I didn't hug him _that_ hard. Did I?"

Peter said, "No, it's fine, just a…"

"Pre-existing condition," Bruce interjected.

"Did _you_ hug him too hard?" Tony asked.

"It's from karate," Peter said. "It's not a big deal."

"I already told him he didn't have to quit if he didn't want to," Bruce said.

"Okay," Tony agreed. He reached out and squeezed Peter's shoulders.

"But I'm taking you to get X-rays tomorrow if it still hurts this bad," Bruce added.

"I'm fine, nothing's broken."

"Then it shouldn't take too long to get it checked out," Bruce said.

Peter opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it. 

"Let's all call in sick tomorrow," Tony said. "Sleep in, go to the beach or something."

"After X-rays."

"If it still hurts," Peter said. "Which it probably won't."

"Still, it's good to take a mental health day," Tony said. "It doesn't have to be the beach. We could go to a movie. We could take a road trip. How far is it to Area 51?"

"Honey, stop pressuring Peter into skipping school if he doesn't want to," Bruce said.

"I mean, I...is that okay?"

"Of course."

"Because I have academic decathlon tomorrow after school and I thought you guys wanted me to do that."

Bruce and Tony glanced at each other, and Bruce said, "Did you...not want to do that?"

Peter bit his lip. "No, I mean, yeah, I like it. It just seemed important to you guys."

"We didn't want you to quit something you liked doing if you didn't have to," Bruce said.

"And the social worker said it would be good for you to have consistency, and since you were on the team last year…" Tony said. "But you can quit if you want to. We don't want to pressure you."

"No, it's--I don't want to quit the team! I just...I don't know, I felt like you guys wanted me to be a science genius like you two. So I...wasn't sure about skipping school. I guess."

"Peter, we've seen your test scores. You already _are_ a science genius," Tony said.

"But even if you weren't...we really just want you to be happy. As happy as possible," Bruce said. "Oh, Peter, we've just been trying so hard not to make the same mistakes our parents made that I guess we're just making new ones. I'm sorry."

Peter shook his head. "You--you don't need to apologize. I, um. Thank you. Both. I think I'm going back to bed...the tea helped, Bruce."

Bruce smiled at him. "Good night, Peter. Sleep tight."

"And if you decide to take a mental health day tomorrow, just let us know and we'll call the school," Tony said.

"I...yeah, I think that would be good. If that's really okay?"

"Yay!" Tony said. "It'll be fun."

As Peter climbed the stairs to his bedroom, still holding an ice pack to his ribs, he thought that it probably would be.


	4. Fight For Your Right to Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the MCU Peter's birthday is in August but in this universe it's in May. Or the All-Valley Karate Tournament is in August. Whatever.

"Ooh, the pizza guys are here!" Tony exclaimed. He ran down the deck stairs and started directing traffic.

Peter stared. "What...is...happening?"

"It's for your party," Bruce said. Peter had recently turned sixteen. They'd had a small family celebration earlier in the week--dinner at a small Mexican restaurant, the purchase of a sensible new car from LaRusso Auto Group, and a quiet courthouse ceremony where Bruce and Tony had officially adopted Peter. For the weekend they'd arranged to have Peter's best friend Ned fly in to visit from New York, and Peter had requested to have a pizza and pool party at the house.

"Yeah, I thought we'd just have some pizzas delivered or something, this is…" he trailed off.

Ned said, "It looks like you're having all of Italy delivered."

"Mm, it's some catering service with a mobile brick pizza oven," Bruce said.

"Oh. That's cool, I guess," Peter said. "But like...how many people does it take to run it?"

Bruce tried to remember all the party preparations Tony and JARVIS had told him about. "Well, I think there's a juice bar setup, and some people to do valet parking for guests. A DJ, I think…oh, a cupcake truck..."

Peter's eyes widened. He'd come out of his shell a lot over the last few months, which had been a joy for Bruce and Tony to see. But sometimes the nervous, hyper-polite Peter still emerged. He said, "I didn't--I didn't mean for everyone to go to all this trouble."

"It's your birthday, Peter. It's no trouble," Bruce said. Peter looked pointedly at the army of workers on the grounds and back at Bruce, wordlessly pointing out the trouble. Bruce smiled. "Okay, I see your point. But...uh...you know, I didn't grow up with much money, and when I first got with Tony, I remember thinking it was wasteful when he had parties like this or gave extravagant gifts."

"...But you don't think that anymore?" Peter asked, clearly skeptical. 

"...Okay, sometimes I still do," Bruce admitted. "Not about this, by the way--it's your sixteenth birthday and we want to celebrate the adoption and, well, you deserve it. But yeah, sometimes Tony goes over the top. But I'll tell you this, I know every one of those workers is getting a good wage, and a nice tip, and they'll be treated well. And for example, the pizza people use local ingredients and they pay the farmers well. And they have gluten free and vegan options for all the guests. So yes, it costs more than ordering from a chain, but I feel more comfortable with where that money is going. Does that make sense?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess," Peter said.

"Plus, once everything gets set up, then the paid event staff will take care of everything, so we can just relax and enjoy the party." Bruce leaves unsaid that to Tony, this is the best part. Tony's parents had been so hands off with him but Tony is determined to be different. He'll pay someone to pour drinks at a party to make sure that he can be there to enjoy the party. Bruce, on the other hand, occasionally misses having the excuse to duck into the kitchen to grab more ice or check on the oven, but not enough to interfere with Tony's plans.

"Right. Relax. Something we're all very good at in this house," Peter quipped.

"If you really want, we could probably still send them away and call Domino's, but we'd have to act fast." Bruce knew they'd still have to pay for the services, but if Peter was truly uncomfortable with the celebration, they could do that.

"Oh. No, that's okay, I mean...they're already here, I just...this isn't what I pictured when I said pizza party. But I guess I should have realized…" Peter trailed off and swept his arm out, indicating the house, the lawn, the party, everything.

Bruce laughed knowingly and nodded. "Tony thinks anything worth doing is worth overdoing. And your birthday is definitely worth doing."

"Rich people are so weird," Ned said.

"Yeah," Peter agreed.

"I don't know how to break this to you, Peter, but _you're_ rich people now," Bruce said.

"Oh." Peter's forehead creased as he considered that.

"You've always been weird though," Ned said.

"Well, I guess that's why we get along so well," Peter replied, and the boys both laughed. Bruce smiled, glad to see that Peter had at least a few friends he could rely upon, friends who wouldn't just be attracted to the Stark Industries fortune. He made a mental note to talk to Peter about his wealth sometime in the near future; Bruce had had decades to acclimate to the Stark lifestyle but he still remembered how jarring it was to realize he'd become the one percent. And he'd had a longer period of time to adjust to it than Peter had had. 

"Anyway, you're sixteen, you shouldn't worry about stuff like this!" Bruce said. "Just have fun with your friends."

JARVIS interjected, "Excuse me, Peter, I believe a guest of yours has arrived at the front entrance. However they are insisting they do not want to interact with a, quote, 'cybernetic watchdog.' Which is actually a rather hurtful characterization of my capabilities--"

Peter beamed. "Sounds like MJ's early. I'll try to explain to her, JARVIS, don't take it personally, okay?"

"Ooh, your _girlfriend_ is here?" Ned asked.

Peter's cheeks pinked. "I mean, she's--we're--just come meet her, she's the best."

Bruce smiled as the boys scampered inside to retrieve MJ. It was the first time she'd come out to the house, but Bruce had met her a few times at academic decathlon events. He liked her sharp wit and black humor, and he liked that she seemed to bring those qualities out in Peter too. 

Deciding to let the teens have a moment of privacy, Bruce went out to investigate the controlled chaos in the yard. He sidled up next to Tony, who put an arm around Bruce's shoulders without interrupting his speech.

"--and if you need another outlet, you can plug in directly at the base of that solar panel. Anything else? No? Well, I'll be around if anything comes up." He turned to kiss Bruce on the cheek as the workers scattered. "Hey, Green Bean. Where's the birthday boy?"

"He and Ned went to meet their first guest."

Tony whipped his head around. "What? Who? Where?"

"Shh, it's MJ, she came to the front. I wanted to give them a moment."

"Well, we did already make sure he knew there were condoms in his bathroom."

"Um, Ned is there too, I don't think that's on their minds right now."

"Don't you remember being a teenager? Of course it's on their minds."

"Well, then, I don't think it's on their _agenda._ "

"Fair enough. You thirsty? C'mon," Tony said, without waiting for an answer. Bruce followed him to the faux tiki bar that had appeared by the pool where they got virgin daiquiris, complete with little paper umbrellas.

Bruce took a sip and nodded his approval. It really was hard to argue with Tony's party-planning skills when you saw them in action. They took their drinks and stretched out on lounge chairs by the pool. 

"Let's enjoy the last few moments of calm before the storm," Tony said.

Bruce snorted. "Like you weren't the one who summoned the lightning."

"Well, it's a big day."

"You know, Peter said when he asked for a pizza party, he figured we'd just get delivery."

"Weird, I thought Peter was smarter than that." Tony frowned. "Wait, he didn't _want_ that, did he?"

"I don't think so, no. He was just surprised. I told him that you think anything worth doing is worth overdoing."

"This isn't even overdoing! If I were going to overdo it, this would be a lot more..." Tony gestured with his mocktail. "Done."

"Uh huh," Bruce replied, trying to hide his amusement.

"I'm making a mental note to overdo it next year, when he's 17. I mean, after that he'll be 18 and then who knows if we'll ever see him again."

Bruce squinted, detecting the hint of melancholy beneath Tony's jokey tone. "Of course we'll see him again."

"But he's going to go off to college and meet new people and turn into an adult!"

"He'll still come home for breaks."

"But--"

"And he still has two more years of high school, Tony! Let's focus on the present and enjoy our time with him while we can."

Tony sighed and sipped his drink. "Yeah, okay, I guess that sounds good. I just--hey, guys!" he exclaimed, cutting off his statement as he noticed Peter, Ned, and MJ approaching.

"Can I take your picture?" Peter asked.

"Yes, my modeling rates are very reasonable," Tony said, immediately striking a pose.

Bruce noticed the clunky, old-fashioned camera Peter was holding. "Did you get a new camera?"

"Um, yeah, MJ gave it to me. It uses film!"

"I got it at an estate sale. It's a dead person's camera," MJ said.

"Now it's an alive person's camera again, though," Ned said. 

MJ gave an ambivalent sideways nod. She added, "I brought a backpack for the thing too but I thought Peter could use a piece of archaic technology on his side in case this SmartHouse turns on him."

Peter had insisted that he already had everything he needed--especially after they picked up his new car--so in lieu of presents, he had requested that his guests bring backpacks and other school supplies to donate to foster kids who hadn't yet been adopted by tech billionaires. It was such a sweet gesture that Bruce's eyes threatened to tear up whenever he thought about it. But he was supposed to be posing for a photo, so he tried not to think about it.

"Say cheese!" Peter said. 

Bruce leaned in close to Tony and said "Cheese!" 

"Tony didn't say it," MJ said.

"I have other techniques," Tony said.

"I'm sure Peter is a good enough photographer to make up for any deficits imposed by his subject material," Bruce said.

Tony crossed his arms and pouted, and Peter snapped another picture. 

"I bet that's a good one," MJ said. "You should put it in your portfolio."

"Portfolio?" Bruce asked.

"I was, um, thinking about applying for the school newspaper next year," Peter said.

"That's great!" Bruce replied. Privately, he hoped that another extracurricular like journalism might bump karate down on Peter's list of priorities, but he kept that sentiment to himself.

"The school has been censoring my op-eds so I've had to turn to posting them online," MJ said. "West Valley High can't handle the truth."

"Maybe you can work together on a story," Bruce said.

"Yes, maybe we'll investigate Stark Industries' role in the industrial surveillance state," MJ said, staring at Tony.

Tony laughed. "Investigate away! SI's FRIDAY home assistance software is infinitely more secure than the others on the market. And of course JARVIS here has a few off-market features that we didn't include with the retails version. But maybe grab a drink, first." He gestured with his own drink toward the tiki bar.

"Okay, but I'm watching you," MJ replied, pointing two fingers at her eyes and then back out at Tony's eyes. 

"I really like her," Bruce said, once she was out of earshot.

"She's great," Tony agreed. "Within five years from now I'll either be working for her or dead by her hand."

"I'm not sure capitalism figures strongly into her future ambitions."

"Hmm. True. Well, I'll make sure my affairs are in order when the time comes."

"I'm sure Peter will appreciate that."

"You won't?"

"Oh, I'll be in line for the guillotine too. I married you, didn't I?"

"Hmm. Yeah, that does show remarkably poor judgment."

Bruce shook his head. "Best decision I ever made. Til death at the hands of the proletariat do us part."

Tony grabbed Bruce's hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "You're so romantic."

Bruce laughed. "I'm just trying to keep up with you and your big gestures."

"My gestures are appropriately sized," Tony said indignantly. "Just like the rest of me."

Still laughing, Bruce pulled Tony's hand in for a kiss of his own. "I love you. Let's go chaperone this Super Sweet Sixteen party."

"Chaperone? They'll be fine."

"I wasn't talking about the kids," Bruce said. He lifted his chin to point out a recent arrival to the party. 

"Oh wow, he came," Tony said. "Okay, fine, Karate Dad time." He stood up from his chair, and when Bruce followed suit, Tony added, "It's okay, you can stay here."

"No, no, I'll come down. It's...I don't want him to have any power over me at my own house."

Tony reached out and squeezed his hand. "That's my Brucie. And hey, if it comes to it, I'm sure Peter will protect you, now that he's got his brown belt and all."

Bruce smiled. He still thought Sensei Lawrence seemed to be handing out those belts remarkably fast, but it made Peter happy and Bruce wasn't about to try to take that away. "No, that's our job. Even if the only belt I have is vegan leather."

Together, they made their way across the lawn, which had grown more crowded with small gaggles of teens. The DJ was blasting the 80s rock that Peter had recently gotten into, much to Tony's delight.

"Johnny! Glad you made it," Tony said, in his most polished voice. He extended a hand to Peter's karate teacher, who nodded and shook it, while Bruce wondered when Tony had gotten on a first name basis with Sensei Lawrence.

"Yeah, um, thanks for the invite," Johnny said, glancing around the party. He held up a large brown paper bag. "Where should I put this?"

"I'll take it," Tony said, without missing a beat. "Thanks. Hey, are you hungry? There's plenty of pizza." He gestured toward the brick oven setup. "And I think Peter's over that way too, I know he'll be thrilled you came."

Johnny nodded, made quick eye contact with Bruce and nodded again. "Great tunes," he said, then stuck his hands into the pockets of his acid wash jeans and wandered off toward the pizza. As soon as he was out of range, Tony tucked the paper bag under one arm and looped his other arm through Bruce's, dragging him inside the house.

"That wasn't so bad, actually," Bruce admitted.

Tony opened the bag and said, "From the feel of it I was pretty sure this was beer but...yeah, it definitely is. It's not even _good_ beer."

"Wow," Bruce said. "I take it back, he's the worst." 

Tony stuck the bag in the cabinet under the kitchen sink. "I'll deal with that later."

"I think there's room in the fridge."

Tony shuddered. "I'm not drinking _that_ , and neither is Peter, and I have to assume neither are you?"

"It wouldn't be my top choice, no," Bruce said. He'd grown slightly more comfortable with alcohol over the years, as he became more confident that he wouldn't turn out like his father. But he didn't really like the taste of even good beer, preferring wine from their well-appointed cellar.

"So I'll dump it out later. Let's get back to the party. You okay?"

"Yeah, I mean...I'm glad you intercepted it but I'm honestly not worried about Peter. He's a good kid."

"He's an amazing kid," Tony corrected.

"You're right. And...and he really likes that karate class, so...it can't be that bad." Bruce grimaced. "Right?"

"Right."

They kept circulating around the party, which looked to be fairly under control for the number of teens who were there. Bruce recognized Demetri, and some of the kids from academic decathlon. There were also a lot of kids he'd never seen before. "Are there a lot of karate kids here?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah," Tony said.

"How many students are in his class anyway?"

"I'm not sure exactly, seems like a lot though. I guess it's a popular activity."

"Huh. Well...they seem like nice kids."

"Based on the fact that they're not currently engaging in vicious karate battles?"

"I guess, yeah."

"I think we could probably provoke them if we turned off the pizza oven. Surprise: it's the Hunger Games."

Bruce snorted. "Maybe next year."

Tony jerked his head toward an approaching guest. "Hey, did you invite Daniel LaRusso to Peter's party?"

"No? I don't think so, anyway...maybe I mentioned something when we were buying Peter's car?" Bruce mentally reviewed his correspondence with Daniel. Ever since they'd visited and rejected Miyagi-Do Karate, Bruce and Daniel had loosely kept in touch by email. They swapped recipes and gardening tips, and occasionally Bruce would inquire if something Peter mentioned from karate class sounded normal to Daniel. But he was pretty sure he hadn't actually invited him to Peter's party. 

"Weird."

Bruce sort of agreed, but he said, "Well, the more the merrier, I guess."

Daniel reached them, a blue Jansport awkwardly clutched in one hand. "Hey, Bruce, Tony! I just wanted to say hi and drop this off. Sam's car is in the shop so I gave her and Miguel a ride but Sam forgot the backpack in the car. I mean, it's for the backpack drive, is there...where should I put it?"

_Of course._ Bruce had forgotten that Peter's friend Miguel was dating Daniel's daughter; he heard a lot about Sam but rarely saw her. "There's a box near the entrance, but it's probably blocked by the Frisbee game now," Bruce said. "I can take it."

Daniel handed over the backpack and said, "It's a really nice idea, using his birthday to collect gifts for others."

"It was Peter's idea," Bruce said proudly.

"Wow, that's great. Well, uh, good to see you, enjoy the party!"

"Well, since you're here, are you hungry? There's plenty of food if you want anything," Bruce offered.

"That's okay, I don't want to impose."

"Not at all," Bruce said. "I think there's enough food here for about 500 people. Right, Tony?"

"Right," Tony agreed. 

Daniel glanced around. "I guess it wouldn't hurt. Sam seems like she's too busy to worry about me embarrassing her at the moment." He did a double take. "Oh, is Johnny Lawrence here?"

"Yeah, Peter invited everybody from Cobra Kai. I think it was nice of him to come," Tony said, a slight edge to his voice.

"No, yeah, it--that's great," Daniel said, looking like he was having second thoughts about the party. 

"I haven't eaten yet, so I'll walk with you over to the pizza station," Bruce said.

They made a slight detour to drop Sam's backpack gift into the bin that was piled up with donations and then got in line for pizza.

"So, how's your bonsai doing?" Daniel asked.

Bruce smiled. "So far, so good. I've been keeping it at my office, it's a nice little bit of zen."

"I just love them," Daniel said. They placed their orders and kept chatting about plants while waiting for their pizza. As soon as Daniel received a piping hot Hawaiian personal pizza, he stepped past the pizza oven and was hit in the chest with a Frisbee. The pizza went flying off his plate and hit Johnny Lawrence in the face.

Bruce grabbed a handful of paper napkins and ran over to Johnny; he didn't like the man personally, but he still didn't want anyone to suffer at Peter's birthday party. "Oh god, are you okay? That must be burning you."

Johnny took the napkins and wiped cheese off his face. "No big deal," he said gruffly.

Bruce sighed. "Why don't you come inside and get cleaned off?" he asked. He glanced anxiously around for Tony and took a few deep breaths when he couldn't spot him. It would be fine; Johnny Lawrence was a rude, socially maladapted person but he wasn't going to hit Bruce, especially not here. He had limits, surely. _It would be fine._

"Yeah, okay," Johnny said, clutching a handful of ruined napkins.

"Daniel, are you okay? Need an ice pack or anything?" Bruce asked as they walked past him.

Johnny whipped his head around. "LaRusso? You're here?"

"I was just dropping Sam and Miguel off," Daniel said. "I--I'm sorry, that was my pizza--"

"I should have known!" Johnny snapped.

"Easy, it was an accident," Bruce said.

"Please don't make a scene at Peter's birthday party," Daniel said.

"Make a scene? You threw a pizza at me and _I'm_ the one making a scene?"

"Let's just go inside!" Bruce said. It must have come out pretty forcefully, because Daniel and Johnny both followed him to the kitchen, bickering as they walked. Bruce felt a little better that Daniel was there; if Johnny _did_ decide to get violent over this incident, at least there would be another karate master on Bruce's side. In the kitchen he got Johnny a wet washcloth and offered Daniel an icepack, then sized up Johnny's tomato sauce-covered shirt. "Wait here a minute, I'll get you a clean shirt and some aloe."

"It's fine," Johnny said, but Bruce kept going as if he hadn't heard. He needed a small moment of quiet, and he took a few deep breaths while perusing Tony's closet. He selected a T-shirt for Johnny--it was clean and he was reasonably sure it wasn't one of Tony's favorites--and pulled a tube of aloe from the bathroom before returning to the kitchen, where Johnny and Daniel were still having a heated discussion. He hoped neither of them had checked under the sink and spotted Johnny's Coors Banquet.

Bruce cleared his throat and offered the shirt and aloe to Johnny, who ignored the aloe and said, "Oh, cool shirt." He unselfconsciously peeled off his stained shirt and put on the clean one. Bruce got a paper bag for the stained shirt.

"Is everyone...okay?" Bruce asked.

After a long pause, Johnny and Daniel both huffed, "Fine," in unison.

"Okay. Then...I'm gonna just...go back to my son's birthday party…" Bruce said, hoping they'd follow suit and not stay behind and potentially destroy the kitchen. He was still slowly heading toward the door when Tony came into the kitchen.

"Ah! Here you are," Tony said cheerfully. "Everything okay?"

Once again, Johnny and Daniel said, "Fine," in unison. 

Tony made a quizzical face. Bruce shrugged. "There was a minor pizza kerfuffle but I think everything's settled."

Daniel ran a hand through his hair and said, "I, uh, I'd better get going."

This time, Bruce didn't try to persuade him to stay longer. "I'll see you at the tournament next Saturday."

Daniel nodded. "Yeah, it'll be good to have some friendly faces in the audience. But I wish Peter the best of luck."

"He won't need luck," Johnny interjected. "He has a good teacher."

Daniel managed a tight-lipped smile and left. 

Johnny's eyes followed Daniel out the door. "That guy's the worst, right?" 

"I saw it happen, it really was an accident," Bruce said.

"Whatever. I should get going too. I'll see you around," Johnny said, nodding at Tony.

Tony nodded back and Johnny stalked out of the house. Tony said, "Okay, I have two questions: was that my shirt, and are those two fucking?"

Bruce snorted. "Yes, it was, and...I don't know, maybe they wish they were? I don't think Daniel would cheat on Amanda, though."

"Maybe they should consider negotiating some terms for ethical non-monogamy. It would probably make everyone's lives easier if they got that out of their systems. I mean, what, they've been obsessed with each other for like thirty years now?"

"Oh yeah, since high school karate, huh? Maybe they should do a rematch next weekend."

Tony grimaced. "I don't know. If those two face off on the mat, I'm not sure they'll be able to keep their clothes on. I mean, the sexual tension was _palpable_ in here."

Bruce laughed. "And now it isn't?"

"Well, we've broken our sexual tension. Frequently. The sexual _attraction_ is still here, _obviously_ , but we're operating on a different plane than those two."

"Thank god for that."

"Yeah," Tony agreed. He gave Bruce a quick kiss and said, "As much as it pains me to say it, we'd better get back out to the party...we can deal with our sexual attraction later."

"Sounds like a plan."

Tony put his arm around Bruce and they went back out into the fray. Teens were running around in swimsuits and beachwear. The DJ was playing terrible music. It was exactly the kind of scene Bruce would have avoided when he was a teen, but today he was just happy that his son and his friends were having a good time.

They grabbed more mocktails and squeezed next to each other on the one free lounge chair. Tony leaned in close and asked, "What do you think about applying for another child? Like, soon? Assuming Peter's okay with it."

Bruce sipped his drink before answering, although he didn't really need to think about it. "Yeah, okay. But if our next kid wants to do karate too, you still have to drive them."

Tony grinned and kissed his cheek. "Deal."

"That was easy. Can we get a puppy, too?"

Sitting side by side, Bruce could hear rather than see Tony's raised eyebrows. "You really want one?"

"Yeah...well, maybe not a puppy. Maybe an adult rescue dog. I've kinda always wanted one, but I didn't think it would have been fair for us to get one back when we were working so much." He hadn't mentioned this desire to Tony because he'd been sure that Tony would arrange for an army of dogwalkers to fill in, and Bruce had wanted the dog to just be theirs. "But now…"

"Now we could almost definitely keep a dog alive," Tony agreed. "Yeah, okay, let's look at dogs. And maybe an alpaca."

"An alpaca?"

"Well, only if we find a shelter with a rescue alpaca," Tony said, matter-of-factly.

"Maybe some rescue chickens, too, while we're at it? We could start a farm."

"We can start looking next weekend."

"No, weekend after next. This coming weekend is the karate tournament, remember?"

"Of course, how could I forget?" Tony bopped his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Well, so if Peter wins, we'll get a dog to celebrate. And if he loses, we'll get a dog to comfort him. And then the alpaca to comfort the dog."

Bruce laughed at his beautiful, absurd life. "Sounds perfect." He lifted his eyes to watch with trepidation as Peter demonstrated some kind of elaborate karate move and flipped off of the diving board into the pool. Bruce held his own breath until Peter resurfaced with a thumbs up. His friends cheered loudly. "Perfect," Bruce repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's read this! It makes me happy that anyone beyond its recipient would enjoy this niche little karate AU ♥


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